Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Die off

Yesterday was a rough day. Sunday I was going through horrible die off. It caused cravings for sweets and insane hunger. Sometime after lunch I started snacking on almonds, then I had sip of Diet Coke, and it went downhill from there. I also ate close to 32 ounces of dairy kefir and coconut milk kefir. So yesterday I was in that dark place in my head that I just could not get out of. In addition, I was retaining a ton of fluid and everything felt tight on me. I was going to fast all day but then ate dinner with Bob - 2 lbs of ground pork. It's a vicious cycle.

I once again started over being strict on GAPS. I am eating meat, fat, bone broth, and taking fermented veggie juice plus water kefir, coconut water kefir, and bottled probiotics. I have been asking God to show me if doing "just" GAPS is all I need or if I need to figure out if there really is a stricture in my small intestine. Then yesterday I was exchanging emails with Millie and she shared that her husband had confirmed strictures (on scans) yet nothing he tried medically helped him. When he finally started GAPS AND stopped cheating, he healed. Maybe that's my answer from God.

I do want to stop going to doctors. I am so tired of sitting in waiting rooms, filling out paper work, answering questions, relaying my story over, and over, and over, but I am also scared. Although doctors have not helped me, and if anything made things worse, I am afraid to stop going and just do this on my own. I am afraid to trust Jesus.

I do see how my cheats, even though most of them have been with legal but more advanced GAPS foods, have kept me from healing faster. I see the regression when I give in to eating nuts for example. Most people don't believe this labeling it as orthorexia but that is so far from the truth it's not even funny.

So here I am again, starting over with diet, being strict, etc. It's only day 2 and I am feeling the die off. Not in the form of cravings but this time in the form of fatigue, headache, backache, and just feeling mentally worn out and stressed. I still wish I could just go away for a few months, like to my mom's house, and focus on nothing but healing my body. However, unless that is what God wants I don't think it will happen.

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