Emotions

I got my stool test results on Friday. Where to begin?! I still have wicked overgrowth of a bacteria called Klebsiella pneumoniae. It's been an issue for 2 years now - as far as I know. It could have been there longer. I have overgrowth of various strains of candida and also a yeast called Zygosaccharomyces bailii. My SIgA is 4.8 with normal level 51 to 204 mg/dL. This has also been an issue for at least 2 years now, if not longer. SIgA is the first line of defense of the GI mucosa and is central to the function of the GI tract as an immune barrier. My short chain fatty acid balance in my gut is off and the PH of my colon is too high (too alkaline). They found some good bacteria but the levels weren't great and they found absolutely NO growth of Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium.

I can't say that I was surprised about any of this considering how I have been feeling. In a way I am excited that something showed up because it helps to have an explanation for your symptoms. The cool thing about the lab who did the stool test is that they cultured the bad bacteria and strains of yeast and then tested natural remedies as well as medications to see which antifungals/antibacterials they have become resistant to and which they are sensitive to. I have appt. with the doctor on Tuesday and I can't wait to hear what his treatment recommendations are going to be.

What I AM still surprised about is that things haven't gotten better in all this time. Elaine Gottshall in her book "Breaking The Vicious Cycle" said that a crumb of grains can feed billions of bacteria for a month. Could it really be that my occasional splurges (falling off the wagon) have caused me to stay sick? But there are times my "splurges" were eating a few walnuts. Surely a few walnuts are not going to keep the bacterial and/or fungal overgrowth that bad? I mean, how strict can I be? I am down to meat and fat, you would think SOMETHING would improve.

And while I am maintaining a relatively calm and stable on the outside (Bob may feel otherwise - not sure), on the inside I often feel like I am about to fall apart. I mowed the yard yesterday and it was SO hard for me. Our backyard is sloped in two directions and half of it is uneven. The lawnmower wheels get stuck and it's hard to move in certain areas. About 15 minutes into mowing (after I had already mowed the front yard and edged the backyard with the rather heavy gas powered edger), I just wanted to be done. Every time the lawnmower got stuck I felt like screaming or crying. I couldn't wait to get it over with. I know I could ask Bob to do it but it just doesn't seem right to expect him to take care of the yard when he works all week while I am unemployed and home all day.

Realizing how much strength and energy I am lacking through all these health issues makes me sad and angry. I used to go do a cardio or lift weights and THEN take care of the yard after working a stressful job all week. Now just mowing the yard puts me on the couch the rest of the day. Literally! I did some laundry and vacuumed the house yesterday, too, and then I felt like I couldn't function. I did nothing but sit around and read and watch TV the rest of the day. I was out of it.

Today I have felt like crying all morning for no particular reason. I am just tired of feeling this way - tired, brain foggy, exhausted, achy, constantly bloated, reacting to food, etc. I feel like I need some relief and I am not sure how to get it. While on some level I wonder if I have made things worse by occasionally eating nuts, at the same time I feel I have put so much effort into getting better. At some point the effort you put into healing seems more stressful than the benefit you are supposed to get out of it. In addition, I know I have to increase my intake of probiotics and lacto-fermented veggies, but anytime I do I have so much die off I can barely stand it. I increased my intake of sauerkraut juice yesterday and today I feel even more out of it than I normally do. I slept great last night yet I feel tired and exhausted. It seems like a vicious cycle I can't seem to get out of. Hopefully the doctor will have a plan that will help me.