Sunday, July 11, 2010

Day 2 (this time around)

I feel slightly better today - not so hungry, no cravings, etc. I backed way off on fermented veggie juice yesterday and skipped the bottled probiotics altogether. I hope to add things back in slowly. That's usually what I plan on doing but then I go overboard. Hopefully this time I will stick to it.

No pain today when I woke up but around 8 AM I started getting a headache. It's that weird, piercing pain on the right side of my forehead. Not sure what that's all about but it's tolerable. Then there's the bloating/abdominal distention of course. Once that goes away I know I am well on my way to being 100% healthy again.

It Smells Like Sauerkraut Up In Here

My latest batch. Thought I would leave it more coarse this time. It's starting to get that "sour" smell. Should be ready in a day or two.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Day 1 (for the 2,357th time)

Fell off the wagon again yesterday and paying for it today. This time it was the nut butter bars I made for Bob. I figured since they have Splenda in them I would be able to stay away from them, knowing what Splenda does to me. Nope! Ended up c/sing after lunch and after dinner then, as usual, totally regretting it. I didn't feel too bad when I woke up today but around 10 AM the oh so familiar headache, upper backache, and lower backache set in. Haven't gone away yet!

So far today has been good as far as eating is concerned. I had lamb and shrimp for lunch and will have the same for dinner. Our friend and petsitter L. is coming over for dinner tonight. We are grilling jalapeno stuffed shrimp wrapped in bacon, ribeye steaks, and some lamb steaks for me.  L. is bringing a tossed salad and I am making haricot vertes sauteed in butter with spices I brought from Germany. The salad and haricot vertes are for L. and Bob. I am still doing ZC with fermented veggie juice.

Speaking of fermented veggies, I just started another batch of Sauerkraut. I have one batch that has been in the fridge for about two weeks now. In another 4 or 5 days I should be done with the juice from my fermented carrots and by that time the SK in the fridge should be perfect. I am planning on always having a batch in the fridge ready to go. It's just better if you put it in the fridge for 2 to 4 weeks after you are done fermenting it at room temperature.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Another Day 1

How many times am I going to start over? I *just* want to eat ZC with fermented veggies juice and be strict but for some reason I have been falling off the wagon. Yesterday started out pretty good (except for the horrible headache and backache!) and then throughout the day the cravings and insane hunger set in. I think it was the coconut milk kefir but I am not sure. That stuff is so good that I had a hard time stopping. I meant to eat a spoonful and ended up eating almost a whole cup. Then I ate more later. I noticed myself getting angry, craving sweets, and just wanting to eat, eat, eat. Eventually I gave in and was c/sing with the remaining coconut milk kefir mixed with flax seed meal and sweet 'n' low, and almond/coconut butter. I just wanted to get the rest of the coconut milk kefir out of the house but didn't want to eat even more. I was worried about eating too many calories and weight gain. I should have given it to the dogs but I was in that ED insanity at that point.

Today is a new day but it's not necessarily an easy day. I also measured my thighs yesterday and have gained 0.39 inches since about a week ago - actually, since last Saturday. That really frustrated me as well. I do think I have some fluid retention right now from die off, something I am eating, or from PMS. Not sure...I could be totally wrong, too, and it's simply weight gain. But that much in 5 days? How does that happen?

I do realize the insanity of all of this, the vicious cycle, trying just "one bite" then going overboard, deciding to *fast* (which is really starving myself due to fear of weight gain), deciding to eat less, giving in, feeling guilty, etc.  If I didn't worry so much about gaining weight AND if I didn't have such an unrealistic view of myself, then doing GAPS would be a lot easier. I would go back to eating veggies since I am really not enjoying ZC. I get bored with the same taste and consistency over and over.

So I am *fasting* today. Whatever! Bob is going to see his dad so I will be here by myself all day. That could be good or bad. Sometimes I do great all day and then cave in the evening. Being hungry doesn't help. I also plan on going to Trader Joe's to get more coconut water to make kefir (don't like the taste so I don't go overboard like I do with coconut milk kefir) and I am already thinking about their almond/flax butter. Man I love that stuff but I will do my best not to even buy it. I should also get rid of the remaining almonds, flax seed meal, and homemade almond/coco butter I have in the pantry, but I have been using them to make stuff for Bob.

I hate to be negative but life SUCKS right now!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

More Die Off

I am not sure what the die off is from, but it's kicking my butt today. Plus I did not get much sleep last night because of that stupid bird outside our bedroom window. Woke up with a headache, upper backache, lower backache, and pain shooting down my thighs. That lasted most of the day. I am worn out, brain-foggy, and tired. I feel like I could go to sleep right now and it's only 6 PM.

I have also been very hungry again today which must be die off as well. I was going to cut back on ferments but one bite of the coconut milk kefir and I was a goner. Now I have had probably a whole cup and I may pay for that tomorrow. It's just so incredibly good.

Low Carb Pizza


I made this for Bob last night. It smelled incredible but he didn't like the crust. I am sure I would have loved it.

Crust:
  • 1 1/2 cups flax seed meal
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning mix
  • 3 tablespoons oil
  • 2 eggs plus 1 egg white
  • 1 teaspoon parmesan cheese
  • 1/2 C water (may have to add more)
Mix dry ingredients then add wet ingredients to form dough. Let it sit for about 5 minutes. Spread onto cookie sheet, pizza dish, etc. Use parchment paper or grease dish or it will stick. Bake in 425 preheated oven for about 10 minutes. Top with favorite pizza toppings and put back in oven until toppings are done. I put pizza sauce on the baked crust then put a layer of provolone slices on it. Next I added lots of pepperoni, some black olives, and topped everything with shredded mozzarella.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Die off

Yesterday was a rough day. Sunday I was going through horrible die off. It caused cravings for sweets and insane hunger. Sometime after lunch I started snacking on almonds, then I had sip of Diet Coke, and it went downhill from there. I also ate close to 32 ounces of dairy kefir and coconut milk kefir. So yesterday I was in that dark place in my head that I just could not get out of. In addition, I was retaining a ton of fluid and everything felt tight on me. I was going to fast all day but then ate dinner with Bob - 2 lbs of ground pork. It's a vicious cycle.

I once again started over being strict on GAPS. I am eating meat, fat, bone broth, and taking fermented veggie juice plus water kefir, coconut water kefir, and bottled probiotics. I have been asking God to show me if doing "just" GAPS is all I need or if I need to figure out if there really is a stricture in my small intestine. Then yesterday I was exchanging emails with Millie and she shared that her husband had confirmed strictures (on scans) yet nothing he tried medically helped him. When he finally started GAPS AND stopped cheating, he healed. Maybe that's my answer from God.

I do want to stop going to doctors. I am so tired of sitting in waiting rooms, filling out paper work, answering questions, relaying my story over, and over, and over, but I am also scared. Although doctors have not helped me, and if anything made things worse, I am afraid to stop going and just do this on my own. I am afraid to trust Jesus.

I do see how my cheats, even though most of them have been with legal but more advanced GAPS foods, have kept me from healing faster. I see the regression when I give in to eating nuts for example. Most people don't believe this labeling it as orthorexia but that is so far from the truth it's not even funny.

So here I am again, starting over with diet, being strict, etc. It's only day 2 and I am feeling the die off. Not in the form of cravings but this time in the form of fatigue, headache, backache, and just feeling mentally worn out and stressed. I still wish I could just go away for a few months, like to my mom's house, and focus on nothing but healing my body. However, unless that is what God wants I don't think it will happen.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

House Rules

I am reading a book by Jodi Picoult (one of my favorite fictional authors) called “House Rules”. The story is about a woman with two sons, one has autism. What I like about her books is that she narrates from each character’s perspective. Sometimes the same scene is described by two different characters. So I was reading a chapter the other day written from the autistic boy’s perspective. In it he writes about where he “goes” mentally and it really spoke to me. I talked about a black box in my head the other day but I think this describes it much better. From the book page 100:

“This is where I go, when I go:
It’s a room with no windows and no doors, and walls that are thin enough for me to see and hear everything but too thick to break through.
I’m there, but I’m not there.
I am pounding to be let out, but nobody can hear me.”

This is exactly how I feel. I can see myself going into my closet, getting on my knees, and crying out to God, but then I just don’t do it. I don’t know why, I just can’t or won’t. I function, I am polite, I take care of my husband, I feed/water my dogs, I mow the yard, I go to church….I do everything I am supposed to do. I am there but I am not really there. Physically I am, mentally and spiritually I am in that room without windows or doors. I hate how this feels. It’s a lonely place.

******************
Yesterday I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor to discuss the results of the second stool test. This test showed that Klebsiella is gone, yeast is gone, still no growth of lactobacillus or bifidobacteria, and clostridia actually went up rather than down. Also, short chain fatty acids are still not optimal and sIgA, which was already really low, is even lower. The only suggestions he had was to go back on Culturelle to bring the clostridia down, to switch to his probiotic since a lot of people have success with it, and to add l-glutamine to possibly bring up the sIgA. I discussed the possibility of having a stricture of some sort in my small intestine and he said it’s possible. He was apologetic about the fact that my symptoms haven’t really improved much (if at all) and gave me the name of a gastroenterologist. He said the gastro could tell me what type of testing I might need to check for a stricture or adhesions. I am hesitant to go because the last highly touted gastro I went to told me I have IBS (this is after waiting 2 hours to see him and then him spending seven minutes with me) and gave me a prescription for Reglan and Sennoside. I tore both of them up.

Anyway, because I keep having this nagging feeling that there IS some structural issue, I guess I will go see this gastro. But while I was sitting with the doctor yesterday, and when I walked out, I was on the verge of tears. I had increased die off yesterday from going overboard on kefir the day before, AND I had woken up at 4 AM and was really, really tired. Part of me wants to stop going to doctors, but I am not sure I am ready for that yet. So to practically hear this doctor give up on me caused some anxiety. Millie has been encouraging me to just trust God and that he will heal me through GAPS. As I was running errands after the doc appointment I was wondering if this is the point God is bringing me to. Do I just stop and do GAPS and assume eventually it will heal my body? Do I keep pursuing the possibility of a structural issue? Two osteopaths in Germany told me I have a stricture. Actually, one said that “everything is sticking together”. Or do go back on Paragone in case there ARE parasites and my body just can’t heal with GAPS alone? I really don’t know what to do and of course being in that “room” described above, pretty much makes it impossible to hear from God.

I also felt very lonely yesterday because I desperately wanted to call someone and talk about the doctor’s appointment, but I didn’t know who to call. It made me feel like all that is left is God and that scares me because right now I don’t get any comfort from talking to God or reading the bible or going to church even. But again, is this the point God is trying to bring me to….where nothing is left but Him and my back of coping tricks is empty? I really don’t know.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Repeat

A week ago I repeated the stool test. Same one I did in March. Back then Dr. C had said I should see improvements in my symptoms. I haven't! So I am going on another fast, starting tomorrow. My plan is to do four days with clear veggie broth, water, and coconut oil, followed by five days of just water. And small amounts of coffee. I didn't wean off of it completely this time. I don't care...I am fasting anyhow to get rid of whatever is going on in my gut and then no more cheating.

This time I plan to "bombard" my body with probiotics while I am fasting. I already have a batch of water kefir on the secondary ferment (with apples) and another on the first ferment. I also have a jar of Custom Probiotics, Primal Defense, and Sauerkraut juice. I will drink/take as much as possible.

Results of the stool test should be in next week. Can't wait to see them.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Emotions

I got my stool test results on Friday. Where to begin?! I still have wicked overgrowth of a bacteria called Klebsiella pneumoniae. It's been an issue for 2 years now - as far as I know. It could have been there longer. I have overgrowth of various strains of candida and also a yeast called Zygosaccharomyces bailii. My SIgA is 4.8 with normal level 51 to 204 mg/dL. This has also been an issue for at least 2 years now, if not longer. SIgA is the first line of defense of the GI mucosa and is central to the function of the GI tract as an immune barrier. My short chain fatty acid balance in my gut is off and the PH of my colon is too high (too alkaline). They found some good bacteria but the levels weren't great and they found absolutely NO growth of Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium.

I can't say that I was surprised about any of this considering how I have been feeling. In a way I am excited that something showed up because it helps to have an explanation for your symptoms. The cool thing about the lab who did the stool test is that they cultured the bad bacteria and strains of yeast and then tested natural remedies as well as medications to see which antifungals/antibacterials they have become resistant to and which they are sensitive to. I have appt. with the doctor on Tuesday and I can't wait to hear what his treatment recommendations are going to be.

What I AM still surprised about is that things haven't gotten better in all this time. Elaine Gottshall in her book "Breaking The Vicious Cycle" said that a crumb of grains can feed billions of bacteria for a month. Could it really be that my occasional splurges (falling off the wagon) have caused me to stay sick? But there are times my "splurges" were eating a few walnuts. Surely a few walnuts are not going to keep the bacterial and/or fungal overgrowth that bad? I mean, how strict can I be? I am down to meat and fat, you would think SOMETHING would improve.

And while I am maintaining a relatively calm and stable on the outside (Bob may feel otherwise - not sure), on the inside I often feel like I am about to fall apart. I mowed the yard yesterday and it was SO hard for me. Our backyard is sloped in two directions and half of it is uneven. The lawnmower wheels get stuck and it's hard to move in certain areas. About 15 minutes into mowing (after I had already mowed the front yard and edged the backyard with the rather heavy gas powered edger), I just wanted to be done. Every time the lawnmower got stuck I felt like screaming or crying. I couldn't wait to get it over with. I know I could ask Bob to do it but it just doesn't seem right to expect him to take care of the yard when he works all week while I am unemployed and home all day.

Realizing how much strength and energy I am lacking through all these health issues makes me sad and angry. I used to go do a cardio or lift weights and THEN take care of the yard after working a stressful job all week. Now just mowing the yard puts me on the couch the rest of the day. Literally! I did some laundry and vacuumed the house yesterday, too, and then I felt like I couldn't function. I did nothing but sit around and read and watch TV the rest of the day. I was out of it.

Today I have felt like crying all morning for no particular reason. I am just tired of feeling this way - tired, brain foggy, exhausted, achy, constantly bloated, reacting to food, etc. I feel like I need some relief and I am not sure how to get it. While on some level I wonder if I have made things worse by occasionally eating nuts, at the same time I feel I have put so much effort into getting better. At some point the effort you put into healing seems more stressful than the benefit you are supposed to get out of it. In addition, I know I have to increase my intake of probiotics and lacto-fermented veggies, but anytime I do I have so much die off I can barely stand it. I increased my intake of sauerkraut juice yesterday and today I feel even more out of it than I normally do. I slept great last night yet I feel tired and exhausted. It seems like a vicious cycle I can't seem to get out of. Hopefully the doctor will have a plan that will help me.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Rosetta Stone

I purchased the Spanish language set from Rosetta Stone back in 2008 through Ebay. It turned out to be a scam which was annoying. The Ebay seller offered the product at a lower cost than Rosetta Stone was selling it for and claimed it was a new product. I think I paid about $80 less than I would have at Rosetta Stone. Once she had my payment, she called Rosetta Stone, placed an order in my name, and purchased it with an installment plan. She made the first payment on her credit card. When I got the product and realized it came directly from Rosetta Stone I contacted them immediately and it was a 5-day process to get everything worked out. Since I was able to prove that I purchased the product from someone at Ebay they waived the remainder of the payments. That was very nice!

Fast forward to today. I got a new laptop last week because mine was dying a slow death. I de-activated my Rosetta Stone language set on the old laptop as instructed, gave them the de-activation code and they said I am good to go with the installation on the new laptop. However, last week when I installed the application and then entered the activation code I was getting all kinds of error messages. I spent quite some time on the phone with them and it looked like it was working. When I actually tried to use it over the weekend, it kept asking me for an activation id so this morning I called them back. I had to 'splain the situation to two different people and then was told I need to hold on because they need to verify if my order is a valid order. UGH! That took a while but they did agree that my order is valid and my product is finally activated.

There's an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.

The Morning After

I hate the day after a relapse. Aside from the emotional issues of regret, guilt, anger, etc. there are the physical side effects. It would seem that I have done this often enough to know that it's just not worth it, but here I am again feeling the misery. I wish I could bottle this feeling and next time I am tempted, take a sip, to know what it will feel like if I give in.

Then there are temptations as well. The carb/sugar cravings are all back again and that will take a good two or three days. It didn't help that we have a guest right now and we were toasting bagels for breakfast. The smell was heavenly and I love bagels but I did not have any. Actually, I am going to do my 3-day fast to give my body some relief. That was my original plan anyhow - fast one day a week and 3 days every month. Can't say that I am enjoying it but I know it will give me some relief from my hugely distended belly.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

When will this end?

I am deep in the throws of this eating disorder again. I do great for a while and then it just hits me and I feel I can't cope any longer and I give in. Having still unresolved and more so, undiagnosed health issues is frustrating to say the least. Feeling awful every single day after eating for 18 consecutive months, is more than I feel I can deal with. I JUST want it to be over. There has got to be an answer, a solution. I feel like I am so close.

I made an appointment with an internal medicine physician. I am going to ask him to order a barium enema x-ray. Not that I am looking forward to such a procedure, but it would show if there really is a colon stricture or obstruction. I hope he will agree to order this test. Something is wrong and it's more than "just" fungal overgrowth. I got the results of the organic acid (urine) test back and it shows that I still have really high fungal overgrowth. How is that possible after all this time on a clean diet, anti-fungals, probiotics, detox baths, ferments, etc. It just doesn't make sense.

But right now I just want this day to be over. Tomorrow will be hard...the day after relapsing always is. I know it will be a struggle to get back on track but I have to. For my own sanity and for the sake of everybody in my life.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

On My Knees - Day 9

I skipped a day or two but otherwise have been on my knees every day. I want health. I want this to be over so I keep praying. In the meantime I am trying to focus on the positive and what I want - health - versus what is - disease. It's not easy. My symptoms are just so puzzling.

Philippians 4:6-9 (New International Version)


6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

On My Knees - Day 3

Haven't gotten on my knees yet today. Haven't even prayed much. I feel discouraged yet trying to stay positive. Heart rate this morning right after getting up 144. Felt like I was going to faint and had a hard time breathing. Took a beta blocker. Four hours later, while cleaning the house, heart rate 132. Took another beta blocker. In addition, swollen eye lids, puffy face, headache, upper backache, lower backache, calf pain, stuffy nose, burning eyes, fatigue, abdominal distention.

Why? I have been charting my food intake, supplements, etc. and there seems to be no consistency. Yesterday I thought the heart rate issue might be related to die off, today I am not sure. Yesterday I read the following statement about craniosacral therapy:

"Therapists are taught to use, appreciate, and develop profound insights through applying a very light, gentle touch-generally the pressure is equal to the weight of a nickel. It is believed that this light touch allows the therapist to receive as much information as possible from the patient's body, and to interact in a respectful, highly therapeutic manner."

Now as a Christian, I find it odd that a therapist or doctor can receive information from my body by placing his or her hands on my head. Who is giving the therapist that information. Definitely not God! So yesterday I was convinced that I need to stay away from this osteopath I went to see since she does craniosacral osteopathy, but this morning I am realizing that my heart rate was better for 2 or 3 days after her treatment and this morning I am right back to confusion.

Last night at church the service was all about being set free, focusing on God, turning to God versus addictions, and what we think will help us. One of the songs we sang was "Healer" so over and over I was singing "I believe you're my Healer - I believe You're all I need". I walked away wondering, once again, if I need to stop going to doctors and just trust that God will heal me - in HIS time. Then I wake up feeling like I do today and I don't know. The only thing I do know is that I am not enjoying my life right now. I am not living. I struggle through the day trying my best to do what I can to minimize all the many little symptoms. I am at the end of my rope - once again. I want to let go and let God catch me but I don't even know what that would look like.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

On My Knees - Day 2

Today I woke up with a lot of anger. This is something I have noticed when I take a lot of anti-fungals and/or probiotics. I had 2 T coconut oil yesterday, some Paragone, a bit of homemade raw milk kefir, and 1/2 scoop Custom Probiotics (the latter is very potent). I also had the other typical symptoms of fatigue, swollen eye lids, puffy face, and some others. The good news is that they all went away fairly fast and I used to feel much worse with just coconut oil before the 21-day fast.

So I was really angry and decided that I am going to beat this illness once and for all. I had thought of just taking high doses of anti-fungals and dealing with the die off. Of course that's a bad idea because it's so much stress on my body that it elevates my heart rate. Or at least it appears that way. It seems the times I have taken lots of things that can produce die off my heart rate was much worse the next day. This morning it was hovering around 140 after I got up just while I was walking around the kitchen fixing my decaf. Then I end up taking a beta blocker and I really don't want to take them anymore.

On the way back from the vet, I stopped at the library and among other things picked up the book "Spontaneous Healing" by Andrew Weil. I happened to open the book up to the chapter titled "The Role of the Mind in Healing". Interesting since this is something I have been pondering and working on. Really trying to stay positive, think positive thoughts, and basically, throughout the day, focus on what I am focusing on. At the end of this chapter he says the following:

"Acceptance, submission, surrender - whatever one chooses to call it, this mental shift may be the master key that unlocks healing."

Interesting! He also tells a story about a man who conquered cancer through accepting the illness, facing his anger, and then loving his cancer because it's part of his body. You need to love oneself as a whole, including the illness, according to this man.

I am angry at this illness I have. I am angry at God for allowing it. And I am angry that I am not hearing from God although I have asked Him for wisdom more than once. This morning I wrote a prayer to God asking Him for guidance. Right now I am trying to decided which of three chiropractors I should go see. Then I got on my knees, thanked him for the progress I HAVE seen, thanked him for the many other positive things in my life, then once again asked Him for wisdom. I got nothing. Or is getting this book and reading this chapter my answer? Do I need to accept this illness, love the illness or symptoms, and have faith that I will heal? And if so, does that mean I do or don't se ea chiropractor? What does "having faith that I will heal " actually look like?

I do believe I need to learn to deal with stress more effectively. I hold it all in and don't allow myself to feel the feelings and that's not healthy. For all I know my symptoms ARE due to stress, unresolved anger, and candida overgrowth. But that wouldn't explain why the abdominal distention goes away when I don't eat. If I could JUST get rid of the abdominal distention it would make such a huge difference. I would gladlydeal with all the other pesky symptoms if I could just eat without being in discomfort.

Monday, March 1, 2010

On My Knees - Day 1

Once again I have decided that I need to be on my knees praying - daily. I feel like this quite often but most of the time don't follow through. Sometimes I don't even stop to pray. This morning I did albeit not very long. It was mostly a "please heal me" prayer to God. I did have some prayer time earlier today but not on my knees.

I just want to be healthy again. I want to eat a meal and feel ok. I want to have energy to work out again. I want to go on a cruise and not have to worry what's in my food. I am not asking for anything out of the ordinary - just health. Or really just wisdom at this point. What is going on with my body why has nothing I have done produced lasting, positive changes. I so wish God would speak to me, guide me. I so wish I could hear Him if he IS speaking to me. The bible says God gives wisdom to everyone who asks Him (James 1:5). Well, I have been asking for wisdom regarding my situation but I get nothing. Sometimes I wonder if God just wants me to eat right, exercise, reduce stress - in other words, live healthy - and when HE feels the time is right He will heal me either through a miracle or through leading me to the right doctor.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Starting Over

I wish I could say that things are better since the 21-day fast but not has changed really. At first the bloating was greatly reduced but as I started increasing calories and eating more food, the bloating got worse as well. I am once again getting candida die off symptoms from small amounts of coconut oil, Nystatin, and other anti-fungals. This is all very depressing and disappointing.

I found two osteopaths - one here in Nashville with about 10 years experience and one in Johnson City, about 4 1/2 hours from here, with about 20 years experience. I wanted to see the one in Johnson City, despite the drive, but her first available appointment is April 19th. I took it, but in the meantime decided to give the one here in Nashville a try. She is a little more expensive, but with the drive to Johnson City and gas prices, she was actually cheaper.

She was nice, listened to my issues, had me fill out an extensive questionnaire which we discussed, and then did the treatment. It was very different than the treatment I had from the osteopath in Germany. He sort of adjusted my body, similar to chiropractic adjustments, but much gentler. The osteopath here laid her hands on my ankles, then my back, and then my neck and head and just sat there for a few minutes. I later looked it up and found that she was doing Cranial Osteopathy. More on that later.

I told her during the appointment that I have some concerns that her treatment will not work. She said a lot of patients come in thinking she will twist their bodies into weird positions and feel they just wasted 1 1/2 hours (I was thinking $375!). But then they come back and feel better.

So - about the Cranial Osteopathy. I have had a Craniosacral Massage before and was skeptical about it. I am skeptical about this sort of osteopathy as well. According to her, my left leg appears shorter than my right leg again. Well, I don't see how having her hands on my head, back, and ankles for 5 to 10 minutes each, without any pressure or massage, will correct that misalignment of my body.

I don't know what to do now. I hate to go back because a follow-up appointment is $215. But I also know that one treatment is not enough. Today I was thinking about going back to Germany every 4 to 6 months to visit my mom and see the osteopath in Germany. In the meantime I could get adjustments from a chiropractor. The chiropractic adjustments would help with the misalignment and they would be cheaper than appointments with the osteopath.

I am so confused and once again not sure where God is leading me. I wish He would make himself known to me and show me where to go, what to do, who to see. I am tired of running from doctor to doctor, spending tons of money, and getting nowhere. Yet doing nothing doesn't seem right either.

In addition I messed up with food. I went back to chewing and spitting this weekend - a remnant from the eating disorder. One reason is that I seem incredibly hungry even when I eat tons of calories and another is sheer frustration. I have done and tried so much to get better and here I am feeling crappy. I just don't get it. So I was chewing and spitting with soaked and dry roasted walnuts. Now I regret it and I am starting over.

I also haven't stuck to my goals of not eating while standing, starting my day out with God every day, etc. Some days I do pretty good other days I don't. So I will be starting over with that again as well.

I believe I can get better and be healthy again, I just need to find out what the underlying cause of my health issues is.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Military

I wasn't a military brat but because of my dad's employment with AAFES (Army and Airforce Exchange Service) I did grow up around military bases. Mostly here in Germany - Giessen, Kirchgoens, Frankfurt, and Ramstein. I also worked at the Munich base in my 20s. A lot of those bases have closed by now.

Tuesday mom and I went to Wiesbaden to go shopping at the PX and commissary. Before going to the stores we had to stop at the Wiesbaden airfield to pick up some forms for mom. Because she also works for AAFES she is not required to pay German income tax on large purchases like furniture. Walking into the building to pick up the forms I suddenly felt sad that this is not part of my life anymore. The old buildings, old furniture, military guys walking around, the food court. It probably sounds strange that I would miss old furniture in an old office but I just missed that kind of life.

On a different note, the bloating is still reduced. I had eggs, turkey, and goose fat this morning and it's not near as bad as it would have been before the fast. I wish it would go away completely but I am grateful for even small improvements. There is still other stuff going on like the elevated heart rate and some more die off, but I am confident that God is healing mybody. I am SO ready to be healthy again!

Wednesday I got a pedi from Brigitte. As usually I was not allowed to pay. In addition, she had gotten me some eye shadow base that I like to use and gave it to me as a gift. This woman is truly amazing. She is the most giving, generous, positive, fun person I have ever met aside from her husband. A truly wonderful couple.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Changes

I have noticed two changes in my body since the 21 day fast. My hair used to get greasy at the crown after two days of not washing it. I could never go longer than that actually before I had to wash it again. It has been three days since I washed it and it looks fine.

My tongue is still coated whitish/green. This was never an issue for me when I was eating - only during fasting did I have the white coating. So I guess I am still detoxing which is a good thing. Not that I am enjoying the actual coating on the tongue but hey, I am all for toxins coming out.

On a different note...I think I am getting a pedi from mom's friend Brigitte today (my other mom here in Germany). Both of them are truly spoiling me.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Valuable Learning Experience

Eating a bunch of beef, butter, nuts, and eggs two days after a 21 day fast is NOT a good idea. Last night I said I didn't care about the gallbladder attack. This morning at 3:30 AM, when it hit me full force, I changed my mind. I took a Percocet with some extra Tylenol and after about 45 minutes I couldn't feel the pain any longer and went back to sleep. Of course now I feel tired and nauseated from the pain killers but can't really eat much because of the GB attack. I had half an apple, a few sips of coffee, and water. I'll have to stick to lemon juice and water today for the most part and then start over again tomorrow but more slowly.

Learned my lesson!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

I'm "home"

I actually got back to my mom's house yesterday. It was good to be back here and to see my mom. Pete and Uli (brother and GF) picked me up at the concentration camp. It was good to see them and get to chat with them on the way home.

I meant to break the fast today but I was so hungry, tired, very cold, and worn out yesterday I decided not to wait any longer. I did have broth for lunch but had a little bit of coconut oil with it. Later I had more coconut oil, butter, and some smoked salmon. Everything tasted SO GOOD.

After the food I had a tiny bit of bloating but nothing even close to what I had before. There was no die off from the coconut oil the next morning either and there were no insane cravings after eating butter. At first I was a little disappointed that there still was some bloating but then I decided to look at the improvements.

Today was tough. I was still tired, worn out and cold. I had some more fish and coconut oil for lunch. Mom was making beef stew and it smelled incredible. Not only does food taste better after a fast, but it all smells better. I had two little pieces of beef with my "lunch". Before the fast that would have been enough to give me the big pregnant belly and a lot of discomfort. But again, I had only the slightest bloating and no discomfort at all.

I spent some time at Pete and Uli's house and when I came home had more beef. Unfortunately I ate way too much along with more butter, and a little liverwurst. A little later mom made "pancakes" from ground almonds and eggs and I had one of them. Then I tried some turkey cold cuts and a piece of chicken. The good news is, I am not very bloated at all. This means that I most likely really did not have food intolerances, but it was all due to the problem with my colon. The bad part is I ate too much too fast and now I am starting to have a gallbladder attack. But I am so excited about being able to eat all those foods without huge bloating that I don't even care. I expect that things will continue to get better and better now.

I also thought of some more post-fast goals in addition to the other ones I posted:

* Spend time with God first thing in the morning – before anything else. At home I used to check emails first and more often than not my time with God was cut short. At the clinic I didn't have internet access in my room so I spent time with God first.
* Study Spanish at least 4 days a week – ideally more.
* Sit down to eat my meals and ideally, eat without watching TV or reading. My initial goal is NOT to stand in the kitchen wolfing down my food. I want to sit down and take my time. If I watch TV while I do so at first that’s ok, but eventually I want to stop that as well.
* Pray and thank God for my food before each meal. Bob and I do this together, but unfortunately I usually don’t when I eat on my own.
* Chew each bite of food 30 to 60 times, depending on what I am eating. Basically follow the concept of “chew your liquids and drink your food”.

I did chew my food properly so far and I did sit down at first, but later in the day I was standing in the kitchen eating. After 21 days of fasting I just sort of went crazy. Tomorrow I hope to go back to sitting down and not eating so much. I don't think my poor tummy, or my gallbladder, can handle this much food yet.

Now I am very tired although it is only 8:30 PM. I have not been sleeping well the last three nights, and waking up around 4 AM. Then I toss and turn until about 5:30 PM.

Tomorrow mom and I are going to the mall in the afternoon after she gets home from work. Around 7 PM I am having a girls' night out. Actually, I am just going next door to my SIL's house but my friends Jutta, Sandy, and Simone will be there. I am looking forward to seeing all of them. Tuesday mom and I are going to the base in Wiesbaden to go shopping at the PX and the commissary. Wednesday I am getting a pedicure from mom's friend Brigitte plus Pete and Uli are coming by in the evening. And I want to go see my mom's friend Ulla, too. This week is going to go buy really fast!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Doctor's Recommendation

Had my exit exam today. Doc suggested the following going forward:

1. Fast one day per week
2. Fast 10 days every spring and fall (even this fall although I just did 21 days)
3. Really appreciate and enjoy my food
4. Thank God for my food

Day 20 - 2:40 PM

Wow! I can't believe I am almost done. I am ready to eat yet today I kind of felt like staying a while longer.

This morning I had another osteopathic treatment. It was good and he clarified the blockage in my colon. When I hear blockage I imagine something stuck in my colon. He said that wasn't the case. Because my pelvis was uneven it's more like the side that was elevated was squishing (I think that's a medical term) my colon (and other organs) and causing it to be narrow in certain areas. This caused problems with food getting through, the food sat in my colon too long which caused fermentation and therefore gas to build up in my abdomen. Again, I hope he is right. It's not completely gone but it's most definitely better.

Since the treatment I do have a bit more pain but that seems common the first 2 to 3 days. Other people have complained about the same. And I am very tired - not in a sleepy sort of way. I'm just out of it, having a hard time concentrating when I read, and I am in a quiet sort of mood. I am looking forward to just relaxing the rest of the day, watching some TV, and starting to pack later.

One more Epsom salt tonight and one more colonic tomorrow and I am DONE! Woohoo!!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Day 19 - 5:15 PM

It is interesting how much things can change from one day to the next. Maybe what happened yesterday was due to the honey I ate, or it was a healing crisis, or I was getting worse from the osteopathic treatment. Whatever it was, I feel so much better today. Up until today my heart rate was worse than ever. I was taking two beta blockers a day. Now I am back down to one. I took it early this morning and while my heart rate is not normal, it's better.

I even ventured out and had tomato juice this afternoon. Last week that still caused horrible bloating but today it did nothing to me. The bloating is still about the same as it was this morning. And I still think the 24/7 bloating is from PMS. I did not use any progesterone cream yesterday and may not use any today either. I may ask the osteopath about it tomorrow. I have another appointment with him at 7:40 AM (half an hour after my colonic - whoever is scheduling appointments seems to be clueless).

Yesterday I wasn't sure how I was going to make it here two more days, and today I am really enjoying myself. I had a great day of reading, knitting (I'm on my fourth pair of socks), watching TV, talking to mom, and spending a little time on the internet. There's even a movie on tomorrow night that I am looking forward to (German TV is horrible!). And Saturday morning I get to go "home". Yay!!!

Oh and the headache and backache are almost gone now. I guess the osteopath was right.

Day 19 - 6:30 AM

I can’t believe I am on day 19 and that I have made it this far. Two more days and I get to go home. My friend Simone is picking me up on Saturday around 10 AM.

Yesterday was a tough day to say the least. I feel a bit more calm this morning but am still confused about the progesterone cream. I just don’t know what to do. I wish I had some clarity. I did not use any at all yesterday. This morning I am back to very slight bloating and some fluid retention.

Bob and I are reading in Proverbs right now – the chapter that corresponds with the current day’s date. Here are the verses that stood out to me in yesterday’s and today’s reading:

Proverbs 3:7-8
“…simply obey the Lord and refuse to do wrong. If you do, it will be like good medicine, healing your wounds and easing your pain.”

Proverbs 4:23
“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.”

The latter is the one that speaks to me the most. When you are dealing with health issues it’s easy to get your thoughts caught up in all that is wrong. But this creates a vicious cycle and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Getting out of this negative thinking takes effort, but it seems to be the message coming into my life from different directions.

It’s also hard not to look at days like yesterday as a setback or even failure, but I need to look at “failures” differently. I read that it took Thomas Edison more than 11,000 experiments before he discovered the carbon-impregnated filament that led to the production of the first electric light bulb. After 5,000 tries a journalist asked him why he kept persisting after so many failures. He supposedly replied, “Young man, you don’t understand how the world works. I have not failed at all. I have successfully identified 5,000 ways that it will not work. That just puts me 5,000 ways closer to the way it will.” That’s a much better way of looking at things.

Not much going on today – just a foot bath and a colonic. I need to iron the clothes I washed yesterday and I am going to read, watch TV, and knit. The usual.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Day 18 - 2:30 PM

This is definitely turning out to be a horrible day. My head and upper and lower back hurt quite a bit. The bloating was reduced after the colonic. I had a bit of broth which was slightly thicker than what I have been getting. I did not have much at all yet half an hour or so later I was horribly bloated again. I talked to the osteopath about the pain and he said to give it time. He said it's normal for the body to go through this after having all the adjustments I had. I hope he is right.

I have been reading more about excess progesterone and found the following on this website:

Possible Side Effects Of Excessive Progesterone.

  • Lethargy or sleepiness. This is probably an effect of allopreganolone, a by-product of progesterone, on the brain.

  • Edema (water retention). This is probably caused by excess conversion to deoxycortisone, a mineralocorticoid made in the adrenal glands that causes water retention.

  • Candida. This is the bacterium present in a yeast infection; excess progesterone can inhibit anti-Candida neutrophils (white blood cells).

  • Bloating. Excess progesterone slows gastrointestinal (GI) transport, and with the wrong kind of gastrointestinal flora, such as candida, this can lead to bloating and gas. (During pregnancy the high levels of progesterone slow food transport through the GI tract to enhance absorption of nutrients.)

  • Lowered libido. Excess progesterone blocks an enzyme called reductase that allows conversion of testosterone to DHT, and thus over inhibits the conversion. This happens primarily to men who are using too much progesterone.

  • Mild depression. Excess progesterone down-regulates estrogen receptors, and brain response to estrogens is needed for seratonin production.

  • Exacerbated symptoms of estrogen deficiency. Excess progesterone down-regulates estrogen receptors and desensitises tissue to estrogen. Because progesterone receptors are dependent on estrogen in the absence of estrogen can cause a lot of problems, Dr. Zava especially sees this in women who have very low estradiol and are taking large doses of progesterone.


The two comments that concern me the most are regarding candida bloating. My neutrophils have been low for quite some time now. I want to just go off the progesterone cream, but it also scares me. I feel more calm on it. I hate these decisions and I hate days like today. I am trying to stay positive but it's so hard. I really would have thought that this far into the fast I would be feeling better.

On this websiteI read the following. This concerns me as well.

PROGESTERONE
Did you ever wonder why so many women have to use progesterone cream? It is because fungus devours this hormone and changes it into prednisone. In fact, one MD reports that drug companies farm fungus colonies, feeding them progesterone to make the drug prednisone--which they then sell to consumers as a remedy for everything. Prednisone is just one of the many powerful mycotoxins produced by fungus which can kill bacteria.


This explains why most women are estrogen dominant. Generally these women do not have an excess of estrogen, but they lack progesterone due to fungus overgrowth. These hormonal imbalances can cause the face to break out, breasts to lose firmness, hair problems, and perhaps most significantly, depression and migraines. Aside from these problems a woman's skin can become so sensitive she can't stand to be touched.


I really don't know what to do but here's hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 18 - 11:00 AM

I woke up with very mild bloating again and fluid retention. Maybe it's PMS?! I've also had a headache and upper and lower backache since the osteopathic treatment on Monday. Much like I had before I got the orthotics. I was worn out this morning. Thinking it might be from low blood sugar I got myself 1 T of honey from the kitchen and at it slowly. It didn't really help.

At 10 AM I saw the doctor. My blood pressure was 80/50. Now wonder I'm worn out. He gave me something called "Vitasprint" which his Vitamin B12, glutamine, and phosphorous. I had to sit in a chair for a bit. After a while the nurse took my blood pressure again and it was 80/60. She sent me downstairs to drink some water. When I came back I had to sit again and they took my blood pressure again. That time it was 90/60 so I was allowed to go.

By the time I got back to my room the bloating was much, much worse and so was the fluid retention. I am guessing it's from the honey or the stuff they gave me. Either way, I am frustrated. I cannot go on like this. I am on day 18 and still dealing with wicked bloating from something like honey or a vitamin drink. I don't know if I feel like screaming or crying. I JUST want to feel better!

Day 18 - 11:00 AM

I woke up with very mild bloating again and fluid retention. Maybe it's PMS?! I'v also had a headache and upper and lower backache since the osteopathic treatment on Monday. Much like I had before I got the orthotics. I was worn out this morning. Thinking it might be from low blood sugar I got myself 1 T of honey from the kitchen and at it slowly. It didn't really help.

At 10 AM I saw the doctor. My blood pressure was 80/50. Now wonder I'm worn out. He gave me something called "Vitasprint" which his Vitamin B12, glutamine, and phosphorous. I had to sit in a chair for a bit. After a while the nurse took my blood pressure again and it was 80/60. She sent me downstairs to drink some water. When I came back I had to sit again and they took my blood pressure again. That time it was 90/60 so I was allowed to go.

By the time I got back to my room the bloating was much, much worse and so was the fluid retention. I am guessing it's from the honey or the stuff they gave me. Either way, I am frustrated. I cannot go on like this. I am on day 18 and still dealing with wicked bloating from something like honey or a vitamin drink. I don't know if I feel like screaming or crying. I JUST want to feel better!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

One of my Goals

This is how I would eventually like to eat again!

Great blog BTW.

Day 17 - 10 AM

I wish I could go home. Tried to walk but my heart rate was so high, despite the beta blocker I took at 6 AM, that I turned around after 10 minutes. I am slightly bloated. Have been all morning. It's very mild but still disappointing. Once again I have so many questions? Is it hormones? Should I stop the progesterone cream or reduce it? Should I keep it the same for now considering I am seeing a PA on the 15th? Is the osteopathic therapist right about my posture and the blockage in my colon? Will the pain come back if I don't wear my orthotics? I have prayed and asked God questions than sat and tried to listen. I got nothing. It is one of the disappointments about this fast. I was so hoping that I would feel closer to God and hear from Him but I don't. It's like He's not there although I know He is.

I am trying to focus on the results I have seen so far - bloating GREATLY reduced even after broth last night. There was no discomfort. Eye lids or face are not swollen when I wake up. No more die off pain from taking Nystatin. Yet I had hoped for more. Am I expecting too much? It's not a rhetorical question. I would really like a reality check right now.

The bad part about doing the fast in Germany is the time difference between here and the US. I would really like to talk to someone right now but I don't really want to call anybody, not even Bob, at 3 AM. I can't talk to my mom for reasons I don't want to mention on a public blog. My friends here are at work right now.

I just want this to be over. I don't want life, eating, nourishment, to be THIS hard anymore. I want eating to be a normal, joyful experience again. And I want to know WHAT is wrong with my body. Not having an actual diagnosis is worse to me than being told I have cancer (I think). I hate these ups and downs. The joy and gratitude I felt after the osteopathic treatment yesterday. Then the disappointment when the bloating came back. Wondering what I will do in the US if I can't find an osteopathic therapist.

I just want my life back!

Day 17 - 8:25 AM

I already had my arm bath and colonic today. Despite feeling somewhat weak, I want to go for a walk and get some fresh air. One of the therapists this morning recommended I try the “potato wrap” at least once so I am going to order one for tomorrow. It’s just small potatoes boiled with the peel on. The cooked potatoes are then placed in a linen sack and they’re sort of crushed a bit. This sack, which is moist from the potatoes, is then wrapped in a towel and placed on the liver. You put a warming bottle on top and rest for half an hour. She said to get it once so I can see how they do it and then I can do it at home.

I have to admit that today I really want to just quit and head back to my mom’s house. I don’t feel horrible but I am ready to be done. I do feel very weak because I am not getting juice anymore. And the doctors here are nice, but I am not sure how much attention they really pay. The doc had ordered a blood test. My fasting blood sugar was 63. The normal range in the US is 70 to 99 here it is 60 to 100. So it would have been in the normal range and if I were drinking juice, broth with pureed veggies, and honey at night, I don’t think it would be a problem. Considering all I am getting is clear broth and some green tea, a fasting blood sugar of 63 is way too low. Yet he wrote on the lab that nothing needs to be done. Whatever!

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had the osteopathy treatment. I really didn’t know what to expect. Essentially it’s like getting chiropractic adjustments but they are not as harsh. Osteopathic therapists also manipulate organs with gentle pressure or massage.

When I walked in the therapist asked me why I am there. I told him what the doctor had said about my colon and bladder and also told him about the bloating issue. He said ok and to tell him what else I have going on since that’s not all and then he asked what’s going on with my right shoulder. I was shocked. I walked in there with baggy sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt and somehow he knew I was having problems with my right shoulder. I told him that it often used to flare up with pain from working out and my range of motion would be limited and I would have to lay off exercising. Then he asked what’s going on with my left leg and my feet. Wow – I was impressed. I told him about the leg length difference, misagligned feet, and hammer toes and that I am wearing orthotics. He asked when I got them. I said in September 2008. Then he asked when the bloating started and I told him it started getting worse and worse in September 2008. He smiled.

He then explained how everything in the body is connected and a misaligned body can cause problems in various organs. He showed me on a chart how what is going on with my posture/leg/feet is impacting my colon and digestion. Basically I have a blockage in my colon, food doesn’t completely pass through, it sits and ferments, that causes gas, gas rises, and that’s why I get the distention in the lower and upper region of my abdomen. Interestingly, a doctor back in Crossville, TN thought she had felt a mass and I had to get a CT but nothing showed up. And the doctor here said my colon felt “hard” in certain areas.

Anyway, I had imagined he would be doing a bunch of “massaging” of my colon and bladder but he didn’t. He did mild chiropractic adjustments of my legs, back, arms, etc. Before he started he showed me how my left leg was shorter than my right. He did this by kneeling on the table in front of me (I was lying on my back) and propping both of my feet/legs on his chest. I had to turn my feet to the side and I could see that my left heel was lower than my right heel. After the adjustments they were even.

He did spend about 3 or 4 minutes applying light pressure to a few areas of my colon. Then he showed me an exercise to do every day to keep the alignment. His recommendation is to get realigned by an osteopathic therapist every 3 to 6 months and to work on my feet. Unfortunately I don’t think osteopathic therapists exist in the US. Even here standard doctors do not necessarily recognize this treatment.

The cool thing is, half an hour after the treatment the bloating was GONE. I sat in my room and cried and thanked God. I had flax seed slime for lunch and the same for dinner plus some broth. By around 4:30 PM I had some light bloating but nothing like I experienced before. It was mostly in my lower belly and there was no discomfort associated with it.

The therapist had said that it could get worse the next 48 hours or it could get better, so I am hopeful. I also have one more session with him on Friday. This morning I have no bloating. All of this also means that I may not have any intolerances at all and it’s just a matter of a digestion issue. And it explains why I have had SUCH a hard time getting rid of fungal overgrowth. With food fermenting in my colon those little critters were having a blast.

What is aggravating is that I discussed a blockage with one of the doctors I saw back in 2008 and he said if I had a blockage I would be in more pain. I also considered the fact that I got my orthotics around the same time the bloating was getting worse, but then dismissed it. Although the bloating was gone after the treatment, I am skeptical. Could this really be it? And if so, how do I get adjustments every 3 to 6 months if I can’t find an osteopathic therapist in the US? It’s not the same as a doctor of osteopathy – at least to my knowledge. Unless I call a DO and ask if they do adjustments but the DOs I’ve been to just treat with supplements and diet and look at the whole person. But they do not do any sort of body work.

OK, it’s been 45 minutes since my colonic so I think it might be safe to go for a walk.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Day 15 - 9 AM

You wouldn't think that a little bit of juice and broth makes a big difference, but you would be wrong. Yesterday I had tea and water throughout the day and some clear broth in the evening. Oh, and a bit of "flax slime". I know, it sounds disgusting. As best as I could tell it was the water that they had simmered flax seed in.

Anyway, this morning I feel incredibly exhausted. Of course it could be low blood pressure and/or low blood sugar as well. I also have a slight headache and backache again. The doc and I decided that today I would have just tea, water, my meds, and a few supps - no salt or broth to see where the bloating is coming from. Unfortunately since yesterday I have been waking up with bloating so it will be hard to tell. I also have fluid retention so I am guessing it's PMS. It's going to be a re-learning process figuring out exactly what is going on with my body.

I have to admit I am not looking forward to the rest of the day. There are not treatments on Sundays so there is nothing to do this morning. There aren't really any good shows on in the afternoon either. My brother and his GF were going to come visit this weekend but with all the snow we've had (will post pictures later) I doubt they will make it.

The doc is also checking my sodium, potassium, and blood sugar levels tomorrow morning. I can't wait to get that over with since I won't even be able to have a cup of green tea before the blood draw. My guess is that my sodium is going to be wicked low which is probably also the reason my heart rate has been so high. No change in thyroid meds has made my heart rate come down. I tried less T3, Armour only, T3 and Armour, no thyroid, etc.

Two weeks down, one week to go! Please pray for me! I just want to be able to eat again without discomfort. That is my biggest hope, wish, and prayer after this fast - eat and feel great, have a normal stomach, and feel energized from the food I eat!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Day 13 - 2:30 PM

I had clear broth for lunch. Literally. It was so clear I couldn't even tell which veggies they used to make it. By the time I got back to my room I was already bloated. WTH??

Day 13 - 11:45 AM

First the bad stuff. I woke up at 3 AM again because the Epsom salt kicked in. From then on I kept dozing off and waking up so I am pretty tired today. Tried to go back to sleep after my arm bath but it wasn’t happening. I also have a headache, upper backache, and lower backache, but it’s tolerable. I miss Bob and the dogs. I miss my home. I miss my bed. I miss food.

Now the good stuff – I love this “nothingness” in my stomach. Before there was this constant pressure; not just in my stomach, as in the organ, but my entire abdomen above and below the belly button. All day it felt like there was something inside pushing out in varying degrees. Now there is nothing. Void. I LOVE it.

Despite being tired I managed another mini weight work out. Not much and not very long. What I would really like to do is go for a walk but it’s still snowing and I am not sure I can manage the hills.

This morning I fixed myself “Bee’s Electrolyte Drink” (6 oz. of water, ¼ tsp sea salt, lemon juice). It gives me a few carbs to keep my blood sugar up and I need the salt for my heart rate. Today at lunch I will not take the probio they gave me to see if that is contributing to the bloating. That’s what Herr Faulstich and I decided on last night. We’ll see how it goes. If that doesn’t work, I’ll ask him if I can just drink the electrolyte drink 3 times a day. I am guessing it would give me more calories/carbs than that clear broth.

Although I feel much better, it is once again clear to me that I have a long road ahead of me. This 21-day fast is a kick-start to healing but it’s not the end. Based on the die off I am still getting I know there is still a lot going on that needs to be “fixed”. I have been reading more about probiotics and what I am hoping and praying for is that I can tolerate homemade, raw milk kefir and yogurt when I am done. There are people who have taken tons of store bought probiotics yet nothing changed in their gut flora because they are transient. Yet when people eat raw milk kefir that has been fermented at least 24 hours (so all the lactose is digested by the bacteria), their gut flora has actually changed. In addition, their vitamin B and K levels have gone up without supplementing.

There are also some open ended questions like what to do about bio-identical hormones. If the progesterone cream is really feeding the fungi I would like to know. But I am not sure I am healthy enough yet to stop it. I think for now my body still needs it especially as I wean off hydrocortisone completely.

I have been praying that God would help me to be strict once I am done fasting. I want this year to be the year of healing for me. And to achieve this I would like to do the following:

* Eat strict zero carb (without cheats)
* Have at least one but ideally two cups of bone broth with raw garlic daily (sorry honey!)
* Have at least one cup of raw milk kefir or yogurt daily
* Drink some homemade sauerkraut juice daily (or juice from other fermented veggies)
* Eat 5 to 6 tablespoons of coconut oil daily
* Fast one day per week (as recommended here)
* Stay off caffeine
* Take only a few supplements that I still need for now like HCl, digestive enzymes, Vitamin D3 and a few others

I think this is the best course of action. I am not sure what else I could do other than getting plenty of rest, keeping stress to a minimum, and getting some exercise.

On a different note, why would anybody want to become a colonhydrotherapist??

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Day 12 - 2:00 PM

I had a good visit with the doctor this morning. We talked about the bloating and he gave me a homeopathic. He pointed out that something that I have had for months, and most likely took months to develop, isn’t going to go away overnight. Good point! I think I was so excited about not being in discomfort anymore that I got really disappointed and frustrated when it came back. Realistically I know that I have a long road ahead of me but things are already so much better.

Today I sat in the infrared cabin again. I didn’t even attempt going for a walk. I am tired, I have no energy, it’s cold outside, and it’s snowing. Instead I took a shower, got dressed and stayed in my room. I had “lunch” with my table mates, Skyped with Bob, and now I am here. In a bit I am going back to my room again to read, study Spanish, and watch TV.

I have a love/hate relationship with the soap opera mom watches at 3:10 PM every weekday. The actors are horrible, the writing is worse, and it has gotten even more ridiculous since I first watched it in 2007. Yet I want to know what is going to happen next so I watch it every day! Right after mom calls and we talk.

I did bloat while I was still sipping my broth at lunch. However, I took the probiotic I was given here with lunch and yesterday I didn’t. I was told to just take it in the evening tomorrow. I am guessing the bloating has nothing to do with food intolerances and may just be due to imbalanced gut flora. This too shall pass!

Day 12 - 6:15 AM

The last two days I woke up at 4 AM although I went to sleep around 10 Pm the night before. Yesterday it caught up with me. Although my day started out great it didn’t end so well. I was incredibly tired. My eyes were burning and I was exhausted yet I was unable to nap despite trying 4 times throughout the day. In addition, I tried clear broth at lunch time and was ok for several hours. But then did get really bad bloating again. I am beginning to think it has nothing to do with an intolerance to the vegetable they used to make the broth (in this case carrot), but maybe it’s just a healing or die off reaction. Still, it was frustrating and annoying. At the same time I realize that I am being impatient and probably expecting too much. The fact that the 24/7 bloating was gone after only 6 days is HUGE and I still have quite a few days of fasting left.

I did sleep better last night and a bit longer. I woke up at 3 AM because the Epsom salt kicked in but was able to go back to sleep until almost 5 AM. So on that front I feel better. However, I took some grapefruit seed extract last night and I once again have a wicked die off headache and backache today. The doc may be right about the candida being flushed out out of my colon, but that’s not doing anything for systemic candida. I am definitely going back to eating zero carb after this fast and will start eating coconut oil and taking Nystatin as well as grapefruit seed extract. I will have to start them one at a time and increase slowly.

Emotionally I feel drained today. I was praying this morning and when I prayed for my mom I burst into tears. She lives her life in anxiety, worry, and self-doubt. People use her and take advantage of her and she does nothing about it and it makes me SO sad. I just want her to have some joy in her life and not worry so much about everything or what other people think. You would have to meet my mom to realize how extreme and unrealistic her concerns are. Her forgetfulness is getting really bad as well. I cried while I prayed for her. I had prayed for everybody else and moved on to pray for myself and I just kept crying. I was on my knees begging God to remove the food allergies. I cannot put into words how much torture it has been in the last 14 months to eat. I guess that all came crashing down on me this morning and it was good to cry about.

I have another doctor’s appointment this morning so I will discuss the bloating once again. But as I said before, I think it may not have anything to do with a food intolerance. I think I am just going to have to be patient, eat right (after the fast), and take my probiotics. They use a product here called “Pro Symbioflor” which strengthens your immune system and also builds up good bacteria in your colon (supposedly). I read a bit about it yesterday and found a webpage with customer comments. Everybody who commented really liked it and mentioned how it helped them (assuming those are true!). It was given to me my first day here and they recommend taking “Symbioflor I” and then “Symbioflor II” after I finish the one I have now. They’re all by the same company. I may get them here and take them home with me. My only concern is the yeast extract in them but I have read that the extract has no actual yeast left in it. Supposedly it’s just various vitamins and minerals. And naturopaths in Germany recommend it to help with fungal overgrowth so I assume it’s ok.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Day 11 - 7:30 AM

I should know by now how much die off effects me, not just on a physical level with pain and low energy, but on an emotional level. While the Nystatin did not cause a headache and backache like before, I am guessing it was the reason I was so down the last two days. I did not take any last night and also reduced my probiotic intake and I feel like a different person today. Actually, I feel like myself today. The way I used to be before all these health issues started.

As soon as I woke up I felt better, more positive. I am looking forward to the day, I am talkative, I feel like being around people, I know I am going to heal, and I once again feel like going for a walk. This is the total opposite of how I have felt the last two days. I didn’t even feel like praying yesterday. I did, but again it was just words I said in my mind because I know I need to pray and I committed to praying for several people daily. This morning I FELT like praying, I FELT gratitude, I FELT compassion, and I felt closer to God.

I often wonder what it must be like for autistic children. This darkness I feel either from fungal/bacterial overgrowth or from die off, when I can’t “get out of myself”, is awful. It feels lonely, dark, and miserable. I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for a person with autism. And what makes me sad is that autism can be cured with something as simple as dietary changes and probiotics. I keep reading more and more success stories on the GAPS Yahoo group. Some of them make me cry for example when mothers talk of hearing their child say “mommy” for the first time or when their child makes eye contact, starts reading, stops hitting, etc. They are truly amazing stories.

And I once again feel this desire to help people. I would love to go back to school to be a Physician Assistant. Listening to the three women at my table right now I am sure that all of them have candida overgrowth (who doesn’t these days!?) yet they keep feeding it by eating grains, sugar, fruit, and other unhealthy things. They proudly pronounce that they are substituting soy milk for regular milk or millet for wheat. I didn’t even go into all the health issues associated with soy milk. And grains in the quantities people eat them are NOT healthy. Grains turn into sugar once you start chewing and sugar feeds fungi and bacteria. People are SO misinformed about what is healthy. One woman on my table has arthritis and I know several people on the paleo list that have successfully overcome arthritis by adopting a Paleolithic diet.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soap box now. I had my hot/cold foot bath this morning which was nice. I have a colonic at 8:20 AM and a lymphatic drainage massage at 9:10 AM. Some time this morning I want to go for a walk and I want to iron the clothes I washed yesterday. I like getting all my exercise and other treatments done in the morning so I can take a shower and get dressed before lunch. I’ve got a little routine going now. After lunch I come back to my room, crawl onto bed under a wool blanket and I study some Spanish then I read or journal. Around 2:30 PM I Skype with Bob (or chat if someone is in the internet room with me). From 3:10 to 4:00 PM I watch mom’s fav soap while I knit and right after she calls and we talk for a bit. Then I go back to reading, watching TV, or just knitting. At 6:30 I go down to dinner then come back up to my room again. Some days I just stay in my room and some days I go spend some time in the internet.

This weekend my brother and his girlfriend are planning on visiting me. I am looking forward to it. The weekends are a bit more boring because there is less going on (and no soap to watch in the afternoon  ). I also want to talk to my brother about my mom. I am worried about her state of mind and her health in general, but her forgetfulness is getting worse. My second day here we decided that she would call me every day at 4 PM since that’s right after her soap and before she takes Kristy (dog) for a walk. We both felt that would be the best time for both of us. The next day I was in my room at 4 PM and waited for an hour but did not hear from her. I called her and asked if she was busy at 4 PM. She had no idea what I was talking about and didn’t remember anything about our conversation the day before. Nothing! This is happening more and more. What concerns me is that she might forget she left the stove on for example. So I want to talk to Pete about it. I am not sure that he can do anything but something has to happen.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 10 - 2:15 PM

Yesterday was a pretty uneventful day. Walked to town, got a colonic, read, talked to Bob. Not much going on really. Had a bit of carrot juice for breakfast and was bloated again.

Today I had an appointment with the doctor. I mentioned I feel a bit weak so he took my blood pressure. It was 95/60 – no wonder I feel weak. I also mentioned the bloating after eating broth. He called another guy who works here, Herr Faulstich. He is a “Diplom Oecotrophologe”. No idea what that is but I was supposed to go talk to him about the broth. The doc also had me lie down on a table and he felt around on my stomach. He said I must have had bladder infections at one point in my life and I did. He said he could still feel it. Huh?

He then pushed around and said that it must hurt and as he was moving further up and pushing said that it probably hurts more. Well it did. I was very surprised. He recommended an ostheopathic treatment. Not sure what it is but I am scheduled for one next week. I’ll do some research on it and will cancel it if it feels hoakie.

Next I went to see Herr Faulstich. He said the broth is just veggies and of course “vegetable broth granules” for seasoning. Huh again!? This is why I asked the first night if there is anything in it and was told there isn’t. Anyway, starting tonight I will get clear broth from one veggie without any spices or herbs what so ever. Yum – bet that tastes GREAT! He said I must still be reacting to something. I really hope it was the stupid granules since they tend to have things like yeast extract, corn flour, maltodextrin, etc.

I feel quiet today. Not really sad, depressed or angry, but also not really joyful or happy. When I talked to the doc about bloating after drinking clear broth I almost started to cry. I am so ready to be able to eat without discomfort again. I know, I have said this before.

I can’t say that doing this fast is really hard, or that I feel I am not going to make it, but I can’t say that it’s easy either. On some level I wish I could be done already. I wish I could be healthy without going through this.

I did remember last night that the first doctor I talked to here on the phone said that true healing starts around day 10 of a fast. Well, that’s today. I have 11 days to go so that’s quite a bit of healing my body will be going through. I have already made such improvements like no more bloating after 6 days. And I can tolerate 1/8 tsp of Nystatin now which I wasn’t able to just a few weeks ago. The doc did say not to take it right now because there should not be any candida overgrowth left after this. He said the Epsom salt is flushing the yeast out of my small intestine while the colonics are flushing it out of the small intestine, plus I am taking probiotics. He said that’s good enough. Works for me!

Something I am really looking forward to, aside from eating again in general, is eating coconut oil again. The health benefits of coconut oil are amazing and I love the taste. It’s also really good for the thyroid. Much like the Nystatin, I got horrible die off from very small amounts (1/2 tsp) of coconut oil just a few weeks back. After the fast this should not be the case.

*************

Before I wrote the above, I had taken two of the supplements I was given here, the homeopathic for heart and circulation and some mineral mix. Now I am bloated. Trying to stay positive.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Day 8 - 2:40 PM

Yesterday I had nothing but tea, water and probiotics. My stomach was normal all day long. It was so nice. While talking to my table mates last night about bloating they recommended that I ask for clear broth. I have been thinking that the broth is rather thick and they confirmed that this was not the case when the original doctor was still around. So before heading up to my room I asked one of the employees if I could get clear broth. She said, "without carbohydrates and without pureed potatoes - sure, no problem". I am glad I asked because pureed potatoes is the last thing I need with candida overgrowth.

I woke up today and my stomach was still normal. It felt so awesome and I was so excited. I skipped the juice for breakfast because that too has way too much sugar for candida overgrowth. At lunch, as promised I had clear veggie broth while everybody else was sipping thick tomato broth. It was tasty but the disappointment was that half an hour after drinking it I was just as bloated as before. This definitely put a damper on my mood and I just wanted to cry. I am trying to remind myself that I still have 13 days to go and my body will do a lot of healing in that time. But it's definitely harder keeping a positive attitude and to keep believing in healing when clear broth makes you bloat and look like you are pregnant. I will discuss it with the doctor during my next appointment.

I also feel tired, worn out, and down today. After lunch I tried to take a nap but despite being very tired I could not fall asleep. Today is a tough day - I just want this to be over. I am faced with eliminating even the clear broth if I want to get better and then I have to figure out how to keep my blood sugar from dropping too low. I already got my schedule for tomorrow and there was no doctor's appointment on it so Tuesday will be the earliest I can discuss it with the doctor.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Day 7 - 3:15 PM

I feel blessed today.

Not much to report really. Feeling pretty cold now from fasting. Walked down to town today to get a TV magazine and take some pics in town. I was out and about for roughly an hour. It's very cold!

Got a hot/cold arm bath around 7 AM, a colonic at 10 AM, did a short weight workout (shoulders and triceps), and sat in the infrared cabin around 11:30 AM. Jumped in the pool to cool off then went back to my room to take a shower and get dressed.

There's a guided hike this afternoon but I did not go. They walk about an hour, go to some cafe for tea, then walk back and I did not feel like walking that much. Instead I have been taking it easy, studying Spanish, and now I am about to head back to the room to read or watch TV.

One week down, two to go. I am praying and hoping that by the end of the fast all the food intolerances will be gone. I want this so much I can practically feel what it will be like when I eat some beef or chicken or anything I have been reacting to, and not have any reactions. It would be such a huge relieve. I am begging God to remove all of them while I am here.

I might leave a day or two early so I can spend more time with mom. She is not doing so well because her pain seems to be getting worse. I figure I can finish one or two days on my own at her house. She seemed to like that idea.

Day 7 - 6 AM

Bloating, headache, and backache GONE! This is the first time in 14 months that my stomach feels normal and that horrible distended, pressure feeling is gone. Thank you Jesus!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Day 6 - 2 PM

Not much to say today.

Headache is better, eye lids are less swollen.

I want some beef ribs.

Tried the Tai Chi class. Was bored after 5 minutes. Walked out after 8 minutes.

Went for a 45-minute walk....it's much colder today.

Colonic at 11:20 AM.

Lunch was pumpkin broth.

Round table discussion later today - "Active and calm with positive self-talk".

Have I mentioned I want some beef ribs?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Day 5 - Noon

Last night the Epsom salt started working around 2 AM. SO glad I woke up! Then again around 5:30 AM but overall I slept better than the night before. I have a headache again today and I realize it’s because of the probiotics I am taking. I took 8 last night and only 3 the night before. But I would rather feel crappy here and get as much die off out of the way while I am fasting, so it’s all over and done with when I leave here.

I thought I was getting an arm bath this morning but it was an arm “shower”. You lean over this metal contraption that keeps you from getting wet and hold on to a handle on each side. A woman takes a hose and runs warm water down one arm for a few minutes and then the other arm. Next she quickly hoses down each arm with ice cold water. The whole process is repeated and then you are done. I was told to just wipe the water off my arms with my hands but not to use a towel. Not sure why and didn’t ask.

At 8 AM I went to the infrared cabin but the person before me was still in there. From the name I knew it was a woman so I peeked around the corner. She said she would be done in a few minutes. I told her I had put my name in for the 8 AM slot and apparently she was unaware that you have to sign up for it. She offered that I could come in and just join her. Ummm – NO! It’s a small cabin, people sweat in it, and I want to wipe it down with the provided disinfectant wipes before I sit in there. I bring a towel to sit on but it’s hard to keep a towel on the back part that you lean on (and that people SWEAT on). I told her I appreciate it and I would wait. I sat back down in the waiting area and heard her holler that I should come in because she still has TEN minutes left. I was thinking, OR, you could do the right thing and leave since I signed up, like you are supposed to, and you didn’t. I left…

Instead I walked to town and looked around Edeka (grocery store) and then went back to Tegut (the other grocery store I went to my first day here). The post office is inside Tegut and I needed a stamp for a post card to the US. Outside Edeka was a “food cart” that had rotisserie chicken. Boy did it smell good!

Aside from the wicked headache (must reduce probios tonight!), I feel better today. My mood is much better and I don’t feel so dark and angry. I am looking forward to reading, knitting, and watching TV today. Last night I ran into my table mates again and they seemed much nicer. Actually, one of them encouraged me to come join them for lunch and dinner today. Now that I know the ACTUAL time lunch and dinner are served I will do so. I plan on going to the 12:15 PM prayer meeting and then straight to lunch. It might be nice to sit down there and “eat” and have someone to talk to.

I want to say again (or maybe I haven’t yet), that everybody here is SO nice. Everybody I had talked to on the phone before coming here was nice and everybody I have met in person here has been equally nice and very helpful. They all really seem to care, they ask how you are doing and it doesn’t seem like a superficial question. If you have something going on like a headache, on-going hunger, etc. they give you helpful suggestions, and more. It’s a very cool place and I wish I could come here for a 7 or 10 day fast once a year.

The doctor’s appointment was sort of useless. He took my blood pressure which was 94/60. I explained that my HR is elevated on exertion for which I take a beta blocker. Said beta blocker lowers my HR so I can go for walks, ride the bike, walk up the stairs without being out of breath, etc. but it also drops my already low blood pressure even lower. We briefly discussed POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) which he didn’t know much about. I talked about taking Cytomel and it possibly affecting my HR but he was not familiar with Cytomel. I asked him if I could take Armour for a few days just as a trial or if I should wait until I am done fasting but he said that would be ok to try now. Considering how little he seemed to know about thyroid issues I am not sure I trust his opinion.

He asked why my right cheek is bigger than my left cheek. Incidentally he is not the first doctor to ask me this question but I have no idea. Of course my face is puffy right now, too, so it’s even more noticeable. Actually, everything seems worse on my right side – the swollen eye lid, my cheek, cold hands and feet, and even the pain the other night. I will ask the doctor at my next visit but I doubt he’ll have an answer.

I also noticed that my HR was about 10 beats higher this morning than it was yesterday morning. And then I noticed that I forgot to take my last dose of Cytomel last night. So if anything, I would say the heart rate issue is caused by LOW T3 and not too much Cytomel. On the last blood test my T3 was normal, but it was mid-range and when taking Cytomel you want it to be at the top range or maybe even slightly over. Since I already started with Cytomel today I am going to UP my dose by 12.5 mcg and see how I feel tomorrow morning. If it’s not better I’ll try Armour for a few days.

This is what I go through at home with all these constantly changing symptoms. I can drive myself nuts but how do you just ignore it all and let go? None of the doctors I have seen have been worth anything. We should implement China’s systems of paying doctors when they have figured out what is wrong and have actually HELPED a patient.

On a different note, I read another article on candida overgrowth symptoms last night. I found the following very interesting:

The brain is the organ that is most frequently affected by Candida Symptoms, but it also has profound negative effects on these systems:
• digestive
• nervous
• cardiovascular
• respiratory
• reproductive
• urinary
• endocrine
• lymphatic
• musculoskeletal
Candida symptoms can vary from one person to another and often move back and forth between systems within the same individual. One day you may experience symptoms in the musculoskeletal system and the next day it could be the digestive system ,etc.


If this is true, then it might explain why my HR seems fine one day and is going crazy the next. It could also explain why it’s acting up again right now. If candida can affect the autonomic nervous system then it could affect a person’s heart rate….I would think. Really wishing I had gone to med school. I find all this fascinating just wish I wasn’t my own guinea pig.

OK, back to my day. After the doc appointment I actually managed a mini-weight work out then came back to my room to take a shower. Next I am heading to the prayer meeting and then lunch. Today we get zucchini broth – yum! Oh, I finally am not all that hungry anymore. I get an occasional hunger pang but then it goes away.
More later…

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

DUH!

So I thought it was odd that they scheduled the daily prayer time at 12:15 PM when lunch is from noon to 12:30 PM. And today I found out that lunch is from 12:30 PM to 1 PM! I also found out that dinner is from 6:30 PM to 7:00 PM and not from 6:00 PM to 6:30 PM. Every day I have been coming to lunch and dinner half an hour early wondering why the girl serving the broth would ask me, "would you like your broth NOW already?"

The thing is, those are the times listed in the brochure that was left in my room. So I didn't even bother looking at the little sign on the dining room door indicating the correct times. Now I know!

I started feeling better about 2 hours ago...more cheerful and energetic. I hope it stays that way.

Chose tea with honey for "dinner" but only had about 1 tsp of the honey. They give you a little ramekin full but that's way too much. I also noticed that it was rather addictive. I started with maybe 1/8 of a tsp and wanted to gulp down the whole thing. No more honey for me!

Tomorrow I am going to the prayer time. I think it will be really good to be in prayer with others every day.

Day 4 - 5:45 PM

I spent all afternoon in my room knitting. Didn't even watch TV. I finished one glove (pictures later) and I am hoping that Bob is a Michael Jackson fan. :)

Just got my schedule for tomorrow:

7:20 AM Hot/Cold Arm Bath

9:50 AM Doctor's appointment

11:00 AM Colonics

So I am going to squeeze in the infrared cabin around 8 AM and a walk after the doctor's appointment or after the colonic.

Day 4 - 2:10 PM

Last night was rough. By 8 PM the pain in my lower back was radiating down my right leg all the way into my foot. It was awful and I had a hard time falling asleep because of it. I woke up around 1:15 AM and it seemed even worse. So I took 1/2 of a Percocet and 2 Tylenol and once the pain was subsiding, I was able to fall asleep again until 6 AM. This morning I had no pain but I felt very swollen all over - my eye lids, my face, and my whole body. I could barely get my wedding band on.

I had tomato juice at 8 AM, a hot/cold herbal arm bath at 9:10 AM, went for a 30 minute walk, then got a colonic at 10:20 AM. Next I sat in the infrared cabin for 25 minutes, then took a shower and had tomato broth for lunch. I still feel very swollen right now but have no pain...not sure if that's still from the painkillers.

The doctor did not take my weight the first day but I had to weigh myself the second morning right before the colonic. I weighed 65 kilos (143 lbs.). The next morning I weighed 64.5 kilos (141.9 lbs.) and today I weighed the same as yesterday. When I made the reservation to come here I was happy with my size. Since then I have gone up a size so I am glad that I will also lose some weight while I am here. Right now I am about 7 lbs heavier than I normally am.

Yesterday morning the bloating was almost gone when I got up, but after having juice and broth I was back to looking pregnant. This morning the bloating was worse again. I think I am not doing so well with the tomato juice so I am switching to red beet juice tomorrow. I may even throw in an occasional day of having just water and tea just to give my poor body a break.

There's nothing going on this afternoon I want to participate in but around 7:30 PM a doctor is doing a presentation. It's called "We are what we eat and think". Should be interesting.

After lunch I started working on the gloves I am knitting for Bob. (I love you honey but I hope you never want handmade gloves again). Man, knitting all those individual fingers is cumbersome. I only have to do the index finger and thumb and I am done with the right glove.

Emotionally I feel dark and disconnected. I am praying every day but I feel nothing. They are just words I am saying without any feeling attached to them. I hate it when I am like this but I have found that this tends to be part of die off for me as well. So I keep reading the bible, I keep praying, and I keep talking to God. I do hope that throughout this fast I will draw closer to Him.

Snow

Yesterday it snowed.

And then it really snowed.


Double-click on the pics to see them bigger.
And this is the view from my room BTW.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Day 3 - 5:15 PM

Aside from an awful headache, upper backache, and lower backache I feel pretty good. Maybe that's an oxymoron...I dunno. Because I am in pain and also sort of tired I did not do much today. I spent time in my room reading and watching TV while knitting. Mom called and we talked for a while and now I am back in the internet room. I am very, very hungry today. Hungrier than I have been. Dinner is in 45 minutes. I saw they put a glass of tomato juice on the table for me and I hope that doesn't mean I won't get broth. I would much rather have some warm broth.

Tonight I plan on staying in my room and watching TV. I find it hard to concentrate on a book even but I know that's all part of the die off process. I did sit in the infrared cabin for 25 minutes and that felt really good on my achy back.

Day 3 - 12:40 PM

I had my "stationary bike session" at 10:10 AM. It is supervised and you have to record your high and low heart rate. I don't know why I worry so much about bad breath. The woman who was "supervising" the stationary bike riding had horrible breath and she is not fasting/detoxing.

After that I hung out at my room for a bit then went for a 30 minute walk. It felt good to be outside and I took some pictures. It really is beautiful around here. The clinic is up on a hill overlooking the town. Lunch was carrot broth - I had two cups. Found out that you can ask for seconds.

Headache and backache are close to unbearable but I am not surprised. Still hungry hoping this will pass. I was told that by day 3 hunger should be gone. This is not the experience I had last time I fasted at home and I was told that I must not have eliminated properly. I did and between taking Epsom salt daily, drinking only liquids, and getting a daily colonic I would say I am eliminating properly here. I am supposed to get 2 exams a week with a doctor so I'll ask him.

Day 3 - 9:00 AM

I slept 9 hours which is so unusual for me. Normally I wake up after 7 or 8 hours and sleeping longer actually just makes me feel worse. In addition, I had a colonic scheduled for 7:30 AM so I felt rushed right after getting up. Didn't do my quiet time or prayer time either. Weight this morning was 64.5 kilos (142.9 lbs).

My tongue looks disgusting and I don't even want to know what my breath is like. The headache is worse today and I also have an upper and a a lower backache. All part of detoxing and die off. My heart rate was still pretty high this morning. I strapped on my HR monitor and it was around 106 just walking down the hallway and then jumped to 135 walking up one flight of stairs. Since I have no desire to just sit around all day I took a beta blocker. It was fine for a while last year so that's what I am clinging to. It sounds crazy, but maybe it's really all related to fungal overgrowth. I don't know what else it would be because 3,671 tests of various kind have revealed nothing.

Breakfast this morning was tomato juice. I added some Celtic sea salt since the doc said my sodium is too low and I should add some to my meals. I took the juice up to my room with me since I am not that thrilled with my table mates. I met two of them last night and they seemed to know each other as well as the other woman who was not there yet. They greeted me but I found it hard to participate in their conversation. In addition, they were eating bread. I asked if they are doing the Mayr type fast (rolls and milk) but they said they are doing the regular broth/juice fast but they add bread because it "helps settle your stomach". Ummm, ok!? That's not really fasting and I have no desire to sit in front of a plate of bread at every "meal" when I am getting nothing but juice and broth. Maybe I am just still cranky but for now I am going to have my "meals" in my room.

Aside from the colonic my other doctor's order for today is riding the stationary bike. There's also a Pilates class at 2:30 PM but I may find that riding the bike and going for a walk is enough. It's cold outside but I find if I bundle up really warm it actually feels good to get out in the fresh air.

I was going to attend the daily prayer time today but realized it's at a really bad time. Lunch is from 12 PM to 12:30 PM and the prayer time is at 12:15 PM. Was that on purpose?