This gives me hope...

Lyme Success Stories

...and it made me cry. I am SO worn out on every level possible. I used to get up, have some coffee, go work out (running, weight lifting, Yoga, Pilates, more...), go work a full day, come home, cook dinner, and possibly go out with friends. Now cooking a meal seems like a chore. Filling the dogs' water bowel seems like too much some days. I miss the person I used to be and I am not happy with who I have become. Other than not knowing all these years what is truly causing my symptoms, not being able to do anything about them has been the hardest part. It seems that all my efforts to regain my health have been in vain. It is EXHAUSTING to try so hard to feel better yet feel like shit most days.

I used to be so focused and was able to concentrate and do my work no matter what was going on around me. It is something prior bosses commented on. Now I feel like I am trapped in a black box inside my head and all rational thought, focus, intelligence, and joy is outside that box, visible, but unreachable. It is the most horrible feeling when you try to explain something, put something into words, and you feel those words are within reach yet you cannot reach them. That is the best way I can describe it right now. Maybe one day, when I am past all this, I will be able to verbalize it better.

GAPS Intro #7: Day 38

I feel like crap. Two days ago I added in some fermented cod liver oil. I started with 1 ml on Friday and yesterday I had 1/4 tsp. I woke up with a wicked headache yesterday that never went away. Today I woke up again with a headache and also a backache and overall I fee like death. Since I may have to go back to work tomorrow I guess I won't be taking it today.

I am so tired of waking up feeling like crap every single day. The Lyme test results should be in by the end of next week - I hope. I want to start treating it but I wonder if I will even tolerate any kind of treatment. If the die off is this strong simply from fermented cod liver oil, how am I going to feel taking targeted herbs and homeopathics for Lyme's disease?

Trying not to be scared...

GAPS Intro #7: Day 35

Reading about Lyme disease, eating zero carb, doing the best I can to make it through each day with minimum symptoms which in itself is utterly draining.

GAPS Intro #7: Day 29

I wish I had kept up with posting daily but I got tired of repeating the same thing over and over. I am on stage 2 now in that I am eating egg yolks on and off, but I think I am reacting to them. I also started taking Nystatin about a week ago but only a tiny amount - less than 1/16th of tsp. Two days ago I increased it to 1/8th of a teaspoon and I am paying for it. Increased headache, fluid retention, fatigue, anxiety (about my job and health mostly), and feeling down on myself.

I am so tired of living this way. The thought of spending one more day inside this body fighting negativity, fighting constant hunger, feeling discomfort or pain from abdominal distention, feeling fatigued and achy, having trouble concentrating, and all the other crap that happens on a daily basis seems unbearable.

I did find out that I most likely have Lyme's disease. I asked Dr. Cowan to order a CD57 blood test and mine came back as 20. Dr. Kalb, my local doctor, says that means there is a chronic bacterial infection but not necessarily Lyme. Some websites say a low value on the CD57 indicates chronic Lyme. So Dr. Kalb is running a Lyme panel and co-infections panel with Igenex. Supposedly the Western blot is the most accurate test for Lyme (although it can present a false negative as well) and apparently Igenex is the best lab to use. I had blood drawn on Tuesday and it will take 5 to 6 weeks to get the results.

The next question is how to treat it. Dr. Kalb treats aggressively with abx, herbs, and probiotics but he is concerned that I will not be able to tolerate abx due to my sensitive stomach. He said in that case we can do IV abx or go the homeopathic route. In the meantime I watched a video of a Lyme talk given by Dr. Rau from Switzerland and he said if you take abx it will cause the Lyme bacteria to form cysts and that's not a good thing.

I also asked the ostheopath in Germany what he recommends and he said to take the homeopathic remedies Aurum Arsenicosum 30C, Notakehl D5, and Fortakehl D5. Apparently the latter two are homeopathic antibiotics but don't kill good gut flora. Mom is getting all three for me and is sending them next week. Her pharmacy had to order the Aurum Arsenicosum from Austria.

I also scheduled a phone appointment with Dr. Cowan today at 4 PM (about 30 minutes) to see what his recommendation is.

GAPS Intro #7: Day 11

Eleven days of intro and I have not noticed any changes for the better what so ever. I stopped the Berb/GSE supplement as well as the Symbioflor probees from Germany. I started feeling so awful I couldn't think or function. I am also giving up on boiled meat. It hasn't done a thing for me.

Friday I went to see a doctor in OH. His dad, a retired doctor, was also there. They think my lymph system is not working properly causing toxins to build up in my body. In addition, they feel my adrenals and thyroid are shot. Ya think!?

Anyway, they put me on two liquid herbal extracts (one for the lymph/detox and one for adrenals/thyroid), liquid ionic minerals, and probees. I am supposed to start the latter in 2 weeks. They have a lower CFU count than mine so maybe those will work for me.

Yesterday I actually had a relatively good day. I wasn't so down/depressed or as angry as I normally am, the distended belly wasn't so bad in the morning, and I had fairly good energy (spent 2 hours mowing and edging the yard in 90-something degree weather). This morning I woke up and that horrible anger is back. I told Pepper (dog) "back" when I went to open the door and as usual she didn't listen. I was so angry I wanted to SCREAM at her and probably would have if DH hadn't still been sleeping. I hate this kind of anger.

I am also depressed, frustrated, tired of feeling this way, tired of waking up with a headache, tired of not knowing what is causing the friggin' abdominal distention, and just feel like crying today.

Not exactly a happy post - what can I say!?

GAPS Intro #7: Day 7

I had a full blown gallbladder attack yesterday and it wasn't pleasant. I took Tylenol which made the pain more bearable but did nothing for the headache I got after lunch. The GB pain is mostly gone now but I still have a wicked headache, upper backache, and lower backache. I don't know why.

Haven't eaten much yet since that can bring on another GB attack. So far I have had two bites of boiled pork tenderloin, clear pork broth, and some "cinnamon gelatin" (pork gelatin mixed with water and cinnamon). If I do ok on that I may eat some more pork tonight for dinner.

GAPS Intro #7: Day 6

I get tired of listing the same symptoms every day - nothing is changing which is frustrating. Die off is supposed to subside after a few days to a week, then you increase probees or ferments, you get a bit more die off and it subsides again. This is not happening for me which makes me question WTH is going on.

Food today: Boiled tenderloin (boring!), pork bone broth, pork meat broth, pork fat.

A little negative today? I sure am! Maybe it's the bugs "talking" or maybe it's just that I am tired of "living" this way.