Ups and Downs

Mornings are usually the hardest on me. My face looks like I aged 5 years overnight, lines around my eyes are more pronounced, face overall is pretty pale but cheeks are red, face is puffy and pores are slightly visible. My heart rate has been hovering in the 180s when I first get up, I don't feel cognitive, right eye lid is swollen, and I feel angry, negative, depressed, and frustrated. It takes a good hour to feel somewhat human with the help of coffee, hydro-cortisone, a beta blocker, and 5-HTP. Sad to think that I used to wake up positive and ready to take on the world and now it takes all of this to feel like I can struggle through the day.

Yesterday I woke up and had nice color in my face, my face wasn't puffy, my left eye lid wasn't swollen at all and my right eye lid only a tiny bit, my heart rate was around 152, I felt a bit more cognitive, I felt positive and happy, and I had much more energy. By mid-afternoon I had pain in my arms, hands, knuckles and joints much like I did after the blood donation last year. Then my legs started to hurt, I was battling anxiety and negativity, and I felt worn out again.

This morning I was back to the usual symptoms and maybe worse than ever. The hydro-cortisone and 5-HTP have done nothing for my mood and I still feel worn out and dizzy. Because I am feeling so poorly I just checked my pulse and BP while standing - pulse was 120 and BP was 89/65. This is despite the beta blocker I took this morning and it explains why I feel like I am going to faint when I am up and moving around. So now my choices are taking another beta blocker to bring my pulse down, which will also lower my blood pressure even more, or sitting on my a$$ all day. Neither one of these options sounds appealing.