Tuesday, March 2, 2010

On My Knees - Day 2

Today I woke up with a lot of anger. This is something I have noticed when I take a lot of anti-fungals and/or probiotics. I had 2 T coconut oil yesterday, some Paragone, a bit of homemade raw milk kefir, and 1/2 scoop Custom Probiotics (the latter is very potent). I also had the other typical symptoms of fatigue, swollen eye lids, puffy face, and some others. The good news is that they all went away fairly fast and I used to feel much worse with just coconut oil before the 21-day fast.

So I was really angry and decided that I am going to beat this illness once and for all. I had thought of just taking high doses of anti-fungals and dealing with the die off. Of course that's a bad idea because it's so much stress on my body that it elevates my heart rate. Or at least it appears that way. It seems the times I have taken lots of things that can produce die off my heart rate was much worse the next day. This morning it was hovering around 140 after I got up just while I was walking around the kitchen fixing my decaf. Then I end up taking a beta blocker and I really don't want to take them anymore.

On the way back from the vet, I stopped at the library and among other things picked up the book "Spontaneous Healing" by Andrew Weil. I happened to open the book up to the chapter titled "The Role of the Mind in Healing". Interesting since this is something I have been pondering and working on. Really trying to stay positive, think positive thoughts, and basically, throughout the day, focus on what I am focusing on. At the end of this chapter he says the following:

"Acceptance, submission, surrender - whatever one chooses to call it, this mental shift may be the master key that unlocks healing."

Interesting! He also tells a story about a man who conquered cancer through accepting the illness, facing his anger, and then loving his cancer because it's part of his body. You need to love oneself as a whole, including the illness, according to this man.

I am angry at this illness I have. I am angry at God for allowing it. And I am angry that I am not hearing from God although I have asked Him for wisdom more than once. This morning I wrote a prayer to God asking Him for guidance. Right now I am trying to decided which of three chiropractors I should go see. Then I got on my knees, thanked him for the progress I HAVE seen, thanked him for the many other positive things in my life, then once again asked Him for wisdom. I got nothing. Or is getting this book and reading this chapter my answer? Do I need to accept this illness, love the illness or symptoms, and have faith that I will heal? And if so, does that mean I do or don't se ea chiropractor? What does "having faith that I will heal " actually look like?

I do believe I need to learn to deal with stress more effectively. I hold it all in and don't allow myself to feel the feelings and that's not healthy. For all I know my symptoms ARE due to stress, unresolved anger, and candida overgrowth. But that wouldn't explain why the abdominal distention goes away when I don't eat. If I could JUST get rid of the abdominal distention it would make such a huge difference. I would gladlydeal with all the other pesky symptoms if I could just eat without being in discomfort.

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