Wednesday, March 3, 2010

On My Knees - Day 3

Haven't gotten on my knees yet today. Haven't even prayed much. I feel discouraged yet trying to stay positive. Heart rate this morning right after getting up 144. Felt like I was going to faint and had a hard time breathing. Took a beta blocker. Four hours later, while cleaning the house, heart rate 132. Took another beta blocker. In addition, swollen eye lids, puffy face, headache, upper backache, lower backache, calf pain, stuffy nose, burning eyes, fatigue, abdominal distention.

Why? I have been charting my food intake, supplements, etc. and there seems to be no consistency. Yesterday I thought the heart rate issue might be related to die off, today I am not sure. Yesterday I read the following statement about craniosacral therapy:

"Therapists are taught to use, appreciate, and develop profound insights through applying a very light, gentle touch-generally the pressure is equal to the weight of a nickel. It is believed that this light touch allows the therapist to receive as much information as possible from the patient's body, and to interact in a respectful, highly therapeutic manner."

Now as a Christian, I find it odd that a therapist or doctor can receive information from my body by placing his or her hands on my head. Who is giving the therapist that information. Definitely not God! So yesterday I was convinced that I need to stay away from this osteopath I went to see since she does craniosacral osteopathy, but this morning I am realizing that my heart rate was better for 2 or 3 days after her treatment and this morning I am right back to confusion.

Last night at church the service was all about being set free, focusing on God, turning to God versus addictions, and what we think will help us. One of the songs we sang was "Healer" so over and over I was singing "I believe you're my Healer - I believe You're all I need". I walked away wondering, once again, if I need to stop going to doctors and just trust that God will heal me - in HIS time. Then I wake up feeling like I do today and I don't know. The only thing I do know is that I am not enjoying my life right now. I am not living. I struggle through the day trying my best to do what I can to minimize all the many little symptoms. I am at the end of my rope - once again. I want to let go and let God catch me but I don't even know what that would look like.

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