You wouldn't think that a little bit of juice and broth makes a big difference, but you would be wrong. Yesterday I had tea and water throughout the day and some clear broth in the evening. Oh, and a bit of "flax slime". I know, it sounds disgusting. As best as I could tell it was the water that they had simmered flax seed in.
Anyway, this morning I feel incredibly exhausted. Of course it could be low blood pressure and/or low blood sugar as well. I also have a slight headache and backache again. The doc and I decided that today I would have just tea, water, my meds, and a few supps - no salt or broth to see where the bloating is coming from. Unfortunately since yesterday I have been waking up with bloating so it will be hard to tell. I also have fluid retention so I am guessing it's PMS. It's going to be a re-learning process figuring out exactly what is going on with my body.
I have to admit I am not looking forward to the rest of the day. There are not treatments on Sundays so there is nothing to do this morning. There aren't really any good shows on in the afternoon either. My brother and his GF were going to come visit this weekend but with all the snow we've had (will post pictures later) I doubt they will make it.
The doc is also checking my sodium, potassium, and blood sugar levels tomorrow morning. I can't wait to get that over with since I won't even be able to have a cup of green tea before the blood draw. My guess is that my sodium is going to be wicked low which is probably also the reason my heart rate has been so high. No change in thyroid meds has made my heart rate come down. I tried less T3, Armour only, T3 and Armour, no thyroid, etc.
Two weeks down, one week to go! Please pray for me! I just want to be able to eat again without discomfort. That is my biggest hope, wish, and prayer after this fast - eat and feel great, have a normal stomach, and feel energized from the food I eat!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Day 13 - 2:30 PM
I had clear broth for lunch. Literally. It was so clear I couldn't even tell which veggies they used to make it. By the time I got back to my room I was already bloated. WTH??
Day 13 - 11:45 AM
First the bad stuff. I woke up at 3 AM again because the Epsom salt kicked in. From then on I kept dozing off and waking up so I am pretty tired today. Tried to go back to sleep after my arm bath but it wasn’t happening. I also have a headache, upper backache, and lower backache, but it’s tolerable. I miss Bob and the dogs. I miss my home. I miss my bed. I miss food.
Now the good stuff – I love this “nothingness” in my stomach. Before there was this constant pressure; not just in my stomach, as in the organ, but my entire abdomen above and below the belly button. All day it felt like there was something inside pushing out in varying degrees. Now there is nothing. Void. I LOVE it.
Despite being tired I managed another mini weight work out. Not much and not very long. What I would really like to do is go for a walk but it’s still snowing and I am not sure I can manage the hills.
This morning I fixed myself “Bee’s Electrolyte Drink” (6 oz. of water, ¼ tsp sea salt, lemon juice). It gives me a few carbs to keep my blood sugar up and I need the salt for my heart rate. Today at lunch I will not take the probio they gave me to see if that is contributing to the bloating. That’s what Herr Faulstich and I decided on last night. We’ll see how it goes. If that doesn’t work, I’ll ask him if I can just drink the electrolyte drink 3 times a day. I am guessing it would give me more calories/carbs than that clear broth.
Although I feel much better, it is once again clear to me that I have a long road ahead of me. This 21-day fast is a kick-start to healing but it’s not the end. Based on the die off I am still getting I know there is still a lot going on that needs to be “fixed”. I have been reading more about probiotics and what I am hoping and praying for is that I can tolerate homemade, raw milk kefir and yogurt when I am done. There are people who have taken tons of store bought probiotics yet nothing changed in their gut flora because they are transient. Yet when people eat raw milk kefir that has been fermented at least 24 hours (so all the lactose is digested by the bacteria), their gut flora has actually changed. In addition, their vitamin B and K levels have gone up without supplementing.
There are also some open ended questions like what to do about bio-identical hormones. If the progesterone cream is really feeding the fungi I would like to know. But I am not sure I am healthy enough yet to stop it. I think for now my body still needs it especially as I wean off hydrocortisone completely.
I have been praying that God would help me to be strict once I am done fasting. I want this year to be the year of healing for me. And to achieve this I would like to do the following:
* Eat strict zero carb (without cheats)
* Have at least one but ideally two cups of bone broth with raw garlic daily (sorry honey!)
* Have at least one cup of raw milk kefir or yogurt daily
* Drink some homemade sauerkraut juice daily (or juice from other fermented veggies)
* Eat 5 to 6 tablespoons of coconut oil daily
* Fast one day per week (as recommended here)
* Stay off caffeine
* Take only a few supplements that I still need for now like HCl, digestive enzymes, Vitamin D3 and a few others
I think this is the best course of action. I am not sure what else I could do other than getting plenty of rest, keeping stress to a minimum, and getting some exercise.
On a different note, why would anybody want to become a colonhydrotherapist??
Now the good stuff – I love this “nothingness” in my stomach. Before there was this constant pressure; not just in my stomach, as in the organ, but my entire abdomen above and below the belly button. All day it felt like there was something inside pushing out in varying degrees. Now there is nothing. Void. I LOVE it.
Despite being tired I managed another mini weight work out. Not much and not very long. What I would really like to do is go for a walk but it’s still snowing and I am not sure I can manage the hills.
This morning I fixed myself “Bee’s Electrolyte Drink” (6 oz. of water, ¼ tsp sea salt, lemon juice). It gives me a few carbs to keep my blood sugar up and I need the salt for my heart rate. Today at lunch I will not take the probio they gave me to see if that is contributing to the bloating. That’s what Herr Faulstich and I decided on last night. We’ll see how it goes. If that doesn’t work, I’ll ask him if I can just drink the electrolyte drink 3 times a day. I am guessing it would give me more calories/carbs than that clear broth.
Although I feel much better, it is once again clear to me that I have a long road ahead of me. This 21-day fast is a kick-start to healing but it’s not the end. Based on the die off I am still getting I know there is still a lot going on that needs to be “fixed”. I have been reading more about probiotics and what I am hoping and praying for is that I can tolerate homemade, raw milk kefir and yogurt when I am done. There are people who have taken tons of store bought probiotics yet nothing changed in their gut flora because they are transient. Yet when people eat raw milk kefir that has been fermented at least 24 hours (so all the lactose is digested by the bacteria), their gut flora has actually changed. In addition, their vitamin B and K levels have gone up without supplementing.
There are also some open ended questions like what to do about bio-identical hormones. If the progesterone cream is really feeding the fungi I would like to know. But I am not sure I am healthy enough yet to stop it. I think for now my body still needs it especially as I wean off hydrocortisone completely.
I have been praying that God would help me to be strict once I am done fasting. I want this year to be the year of healing for me. And to achieve this I would like to do the following:
* Eat strict zero carb (without cheats)
* Have at least one but ideally two cups of bone broth with raw garlic daily (sorry honey!)
* Have at least one cup of raw milk kefir or yogurt daily
* Drink some homemade sauerkraut juice daily (or juice from other fermented veggies)
* Eat 5 to 6 tablespoons of coconut oil daily
* Fast one day per week (as recommended here)
* Stay off caffeine
* Take only a few supplements that I still need for now like HCl, digestive enzymes, Vitamin D3 and a few others
I think this is the best course of action. I am not sure what else I could do other than getting plenty of rest, keeping stress to a minimum, and getting some exercise.
On a different note, why would anybody want to become a colonhydrotherapist??
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Day 12 - 2:00 PM
I had a good visit with the doctor this morning. We talked about the bloating and he gave me a homeopathic. He pointed out that something that I have had for months, and most likely took months to develop, isn’t going to go away overnight. Good point! I think I was so excited about not being in discomfort anymore that I got really disappointed and frustrated when it came back. Realistically I know that I have a long road ahead of me but things are already so much better.
Today I sat in the infrared cabin again. I didn’t even attempt going for a walk. I am tired, I have no energy, it’s cold outside, and it’s snowing. Instead I took a shower, got dressed and stayed in my room. I had “lunch” with my table mates, Skyped with Bob, and now I am here. In a bit I am going back to my room again to read, study Spanish, and watch TV.
I have a love/hate relationship with the soap opera mom watches at 3:10 PM every weekday. The actors are horrible, the writing is worse, and it has gotten even more ridiculous since I first watched it in 2007. Yet I want to know what is going to happen next so I watch it every day! Right after mom calls and we talk.
I did bloat while I was still sipping my broth at lunch. However, I took the probiotic I was given here with lunch and yesterday I didn’t. I was told to just take it in the evening tomorrow. I am guessing the bloating has nothing to do with food intolerances and may just be due to imbalanced gut flora. This too shall pass!
Today I sat in the infrared cabin again. I didn’t even attempt going for a walk. I am tired, I have no energy, it’s cold outside, and it’s snowing. Instead I took a shower, got dressed and stayed in my room. I had “lunch” with my table mates, Skyped with Bob, and now I am here. In a bit I am going back to my room again to read, study Spanish, and watch TV.
I have a love/hate relationship with the soap opera mom watches at 3:10 PM every weekday. The actors are horrible, the writing is worse, and it has gotten even more ridiculous since I first watched it in 2007. Yet I want to know what is going to happen next so I watch it every day! Right after mom calls and we talk.
I did bloat while I was still sipping my broth at lunch. However, I took the probiotic I was given here with lunch and yesterday I didn’t. I was told to just take it in the evening tomorrow. I am guessing the bloating has nothing to do with food intolerances and may just be due to imbalanced gut flora. This too shall pass!
Day 12 - 6:15 AM
The last two days I woke up at 4 AM although I went to sleep around 10 Pm the night before. Yesterday it caught up with me. Although my day started out great it didn’t end so well. I was incredibly tired. My eyes were burning and I was exhausted yet I was unable to nap despite trying 4 times throughout the day. In addition, I tried clear broth at lunch time and was ok for several hours. But then did get really bad bloating again. I am beginning to think it has nothing to do with an intolerance to the vegetable they used to make the broth (in this case carrot), but maybe it’s just a healing or die off reaction. Still, it was frustrating and annoying. At the same time I realize that I am being impatient and probably expecting too much. The fact that the 24/7 bloating was gone after only 6 days is HUGE and I still have quite a few days of fasting left.
I did sleep better last night and a bit longer. I woke up at 3 AM because the Epsom salt kicked in but was able to go back to sleep until almost 5 AM. So on that front I feel better. However, I took some grapefruit seed extract last night and I once again have a wicked die off headache and backache today. The doc may be right about the candida being flushed out out of my colon, but that’s not doing anything for systemic candida. I am definitely going back to eating zero carb after this fast and will start eating coconut oil and taking Nystatin as well as grapefruit seed extract. I will have to start them one at a time and increase slowly.
Emotionally I feel drained today. I was praying this morning and when I prayed for my mom I burst into tears. She lives her life in anxiety, worry, and self-doubt. People use her and take advantage of her and she does nothing about it and it makes me SO sad. I just want her to have some joy in her life and not worry so much about everything or what other people think. You would have to meet my mom to realize how extreme and unrealistic her concerns are. Her forgetfulness is getting really bad as well. I cried while I prayed for her. I had prayed for everybody else and moved on to pray for myself and I just kept crying. I was on my knees begging God to remove the food allergies. I cannot put into words how much torture it has been in the last 14 months to eat. I guess that all came crashing down on me this morning and it was good to cry about.
I have another doctor’s appointment this morning so I will discuss the bloating once again. But as I said before, I think it may not have anything to do with a food intolerance. I think I am just going to have to be patient, eat right (after the fast), and take my probiotics. They use a product here called “Pro Symbioflor” which strengthens your immune system and also builds up good bacteria in your colon (supposedly). I read a bit about it yesterday and found a webpage with customer comments. Everybody who commented really liked it and mentioned how it helped them (assuming those are true!). It was given to me my first day here and they recommend taking “Symbioflor I” and then “Symbioflor II” after I finish the one I have now. They’re all by the same company. I may get them here and take them home with me. My only concern is the yeast extract in them but I have read that the extract has no actual yeast left in it. Supposedly it’s just various vitamins and minerals. And naturopaths in Germany recommend it to help with fungal overgrowth so I assume it’s ok.
I did sleep better last night and a bit longer. I woke up at 3 AM because the Epsom salt kicked in but was able to go back to sleep until almost 5 AM. So on that front I feel better. However, I took some grapefruit seed extract last night and I once again have a wicked die off headache and backache today. The doc may be right about the candida being flushed out out of my colon, but that’s not doing anything for systemic candida. I am definitely going back to eating zero carb after this fast and will start eating coconut oil and taking Nystatin as well as grapefruit seed extract. I will have to start them one at a time and increase slowly.
Emotionally I feel drained today. I was praying this morning and when I prayed for my mom I burst into tears. She lives her life in anxiety, worry, and self-doubt. People use her and take advantage of her and she does nothing about it and it makes me SO sad. I just want her to have some joy in her life and not worry so much about everything or what other people think. You would have to meet my mom to realize how extreme and unrealistic her concerns are. Her forgetfulness is getting really bad as well. I cried while I prayed for her. I had prayed for everybody else and moved on to pray for myself and I just kept crying. I was on my knees begging God to remove the food allergies. I cannot put into words how much torture it has been in the last 14 months to eat. I guess that all came crashing down on me this morning and it was good to cry about.
I have another doctor’s appointment this morning so I will discuss the bloating once again. But as I said before, I think it may not have anything to do with a food intolerance. I think I am just going to have to be patient, eat right (after the fast), and take my probiotics. They use a product here called “Pro Symbioflor” which strengthens your immune system and also builds up good bacteria in your colon (supposedly). I read a bit about it yesterday and found a webpage with customer comments. Everybody who commented really liked it and mentioned how it helped them (assuming those are true!). It was given to me my first day here and they recommend taking “Symbioflor I” and then “Symbioflor II” after I finish the one I have now. They’re all by the same company. I may get them here and take them home with me. My only concern is the yeast extract in them but I have read that the extract has no actual yeast left in it. Supposedly it’s just various vitamins and minerals. And naturopaths in Germany recommend it to help with fungal overgrowth so I assume it’s ok.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Day 11 - 7:30 AM
I should know by now how much die off effects me, not just on a physical level with pain and low energy, but on an emotional level. While the Nystatin did not cause a headache and backache like before, I am guessing it was the reason I was so down the last two days. I did not take any last night and also reduced my probiotic intake and I feel like a different person today. Actually, I feel like myself today. The way I used to be before all these health issues started.
As soon as I woke up I felt better, more positive. I am looking forward to the day, I am talkative, I feel like being around people, I know I am going to heal, and I once again feel like going for a walk. This is the total opposite of how I have felt the last two days. I didn’t even feel like praying yesterday. I did, but again it was just words I said in my mind because I know I need to pray and I committed to praying for several people daily. This morning I FELT like praying, I FELT gratitude, I FELT compassion, and I felt closer to God.
I often wonder what it must be like for autistic children. This darkness I feel either from fungal/bacterial overgrowth or from die off, when I can’t “get out of myself”, is awful. It feels lonely, dark, and miserable. I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for a person with autism. And what makes me sad is that autism can be cured with something as simple as dietary changes and probiotics. I keep reading more and more success stories on the GAPS Yahoo group. Some of them make me cry for example when mothers talk of hearing their child say “mommy” for the first time or when their child makes eye contact, starts reading, stops hitting, etc. They are truly amazing stories.
And I once again feel this desire to help people. I would love to go back to school to be a Physician Assistant. Listening to the three women at my table right now I am sure that all of them have candida overgrowth (who doesn’t these days!?) yet they keep feeding it by eating grains, sugar, fruit, and other unhealthy things. They proudly pronounce that they are substituting soy milk for regular milk or millet for wheat. I didn’t even go into all the health issues associated with soy milk. And grains in the quantities people eat them are NOT healthy. Grains turn into sugar once you start chewing and sugar feeds fungi and bacteria. People are SO misinformed about what is healthy. One woman on my table has arthritis and I know several people on the paleo list that have successfully overcome arthritis by adopting a Paleolithic diet.
Anyway, I’ll get off my soap box now. I had my hot/cold foot bath this morning which was nice. I have a colonic at 8:20 AM and a lymphatic drainage massage at 9:10 AM. Some time this morning I want to go for a walk and I want to iron the clothes I washed yesterday. I like getting all my exercise and other treatments done in the morning so I can take a shower and get dressed before lunch. I’ve got a little routine going now. After lunch I come back to my room, crawl onto bed under a wool blanket and I study some Spanish then I read or journal. Around 2:30 PM I Skype with Bob (or chat if someone is in the internet room with me). From 3:10 to 4:00 PM I watch mom’s fav soap while I knit and right after she calls and we talk for a bit. Then I go back to reading, watching TV, or just knitting. At 6:30 I go down to dinner then come back up to my room again. Some days I just stay in my room and some days I go spend some time in the internet.
This weekend my brother and his girlfriend are planning on visiting me. I am looking forward to it. The weekends are a bit more boring because there is less going on (and no soap to watch in the afternoon ). I also want to talk to my brother about my mom. I am worried about her state of mind and her health in general, but her forgetfulness is getting worse. My second day here we decided that she would call me every day at 4 PM since that’s right after her soap and before she takes Kristy (dog) for a walk. We both felt that would be the best time for both of us. The next day I was in my room at 4 PM and waited for an hour but did not hear from her. I called her and asked if she was busy at 4 PM. She had no idea what I was talking about and didn’t remember anything about our conversation the day before. Nothing! This is happening more and more. What concerns me is that she might forget she left the stove on for example. So I want to talk to Pete about it. I am not sure that he can do anything but something has to happen.
As soon as I woke up I felt better, more positive. I am looking forward to the day, I am talkative, I feel like being around people, I know I am going to heal, and I once again feel like going for a walk. This is the total opposite of how I have felt the last two days. I didn’t even feel like praying yesterday. I did, but again it was just words I said in my mind because I know I need to pray and I committed to praying for several people daily. This morning I FELT like praying, I FELT gratitude, I FELT compassion, and I felt closer to God.
I often wonder what it must be like for autistic children. This darkness I feel either from fungal/bacterial overgrowth or from die off, when I can’t “get out of myself”, is awful. It feels lonely, dark, and miserable. I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for a person with autism. And what makes me sad is that autism can be cured with something as simple as dietary changes and probiotics. I keep reading more and more success stories on the GAPS Yahoo group. Some of them make me cry for example when mothers talk of hearing their child say “mommy” for the first time or when their child makes eye contact, starts reading, stops hitting, etc. They are truly amazing stories.
And I once again feel this desire to help people. I would love to go back to school to be a Physician Assistant. Listening to the three women at my table right now I am sure that all of them have candida overgrowth (who doesn’t these days!?) yet they keep feeding it by eating grains, sugar, fruit, and other unhealthy things. They proudly pronounce that they are substituting soy milk for regular milk or millet for wheat. I didn’t even go into all the health issues associated with soy milk. And grains in the quantities people eat them are NOT healthy. Grains turn into sugar once you start chewing and sugar feeds fungi and bacteria. People are SO misinformed about what is healthy. One woman on my table has arthritis and I know several people on the paleo list that have successfully overcome arthritis by adopting a Paleolithic diet.
Anyway, I’ll get off my soap box now. I had my hot/cold foot bath this morning which was nice. I have a colonic at 8:20 AM and a lymphatic drainage massage at 9:10 AM. Some time this morning I want to go for a walk and I want to iron the clothes I washed yesterday. I like getting all my exercise and other treatments done in the morning so I can take a shower and get dressed before lunch. I’ve got a little routine going now. After lunch I come back to my room, crawl onto bed under a wool blanket and I study some Spanish then I read or journal. Around 2:30 PM I Skype with Bob (or chat if someone is in the internet room with me). From 3:10 to 4:00 PM I watch mom’s fav soap while I knit and right after she calls and we talk for a bit. Then I go back to reading, watching TV, or just knitting. At 6:30 I go down to dinner then come back up to my room again. Some days I just stay in my room and some days I go spend some time in the internet.
This weekend my brother and his girlfriend are planning on visiting me. I am looking forward to it. The weekends are a bit more boring because there is less going on (and no soap to watch in the afternoon ). I also want to talk to my brother about my mom. I am worried about her state of mind and her health in general, but her forgetfulness is getting worse. My second day here we decided that she would call me every day at 4 PM since that’s right after her soap and before she takes Kristy (dog) for a walk. We both felt that would be the best time for both of us. The next day I was in my room at 4 PM and waited for an hour but did not hear from her. I called her and asked if she was busy at 4 PM. She had no idea what I was talking about and didn’t remember anything about our conversation the day before. Nothing! This is happening more and more. What concerns me is that she might forget she left the stove on for example. So I want to talk to Pete about it. I am not sure that he can do anything but something has to happen.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Day 10 - 2:15 PM
Yesterday was a pretty uneventful day. Walked to town, got a colonic, read, talked to Bob. Not much going on really. Had a bit of carrot juice for breakfast and was bloated again.
Today I had an appointment with the doctor. I mentioned I feel a bit weak so he took my blood pressure. It was 95/60 – no wonder I feel weak. I also mentioned the bloating after eating broth. He called another guy who works here, Herr Faulstich. He is a “Diplom Oecotrophologe”. No idea what that is but I was supposed to go talk to him about the broth. The doc also had me lie down on a table and he felt around on my stomach. He said I must have had bladder infections at one point in my life and I did. He said he could still feel it. Huh?
He then pushed around and said that it must hurt and as he was moving further up and pushing said that it probably hurts more. Well it did. I was very surprised. He recommended an ostheopathic treatment. Not sure what it is but I am scheduled for one next week. I’ll do some research on it and will cancel it if it feels hoakie.
Next I went to see Herr Faulstich. He said the broth is just veggies and of course “vegetable broth granules” for seasoning. Huh again!? This is why I asked the first night if there is anything in it and was told there isn’t. Anyway, starting tonight I will get clear broth from one veggie without any spices or herbs what so ever. Yum – bet that tastes GREAT! He said I must still be reacting to something. I really hope it was the stupid granules since they tend to have things like yeast extract, corn flour, maltodextrin, etc.
I feel quiet today. Not really sad, depressed or angry, but also not really joyful or happy. When I talked to the doc about bloating after drinking clear broth I almost started to cry. I am so ready to be able to eat without discomfort again. I know, I have said this before.
I can’t say that doing this fast is really hard, or that I feel I am not going to make it, but I can’t say that it’s easy either. On some level I wish I could be done already. I wish I could be healthy without going through this.
I did remember last night that the first doctor I talked to here on the phone said that true healing starts around day 10 of a fast. Well, that’s today. I have 11 days to go so that’s quite a bit of healing my body will be going through. I have already made such improvements like no more bloating after 6 days. And I can tolerate 1/8 tsp of Nystatin now which I wasn’t able to just a few weeks ago. The doc did say not to take it right now because there should not be any candida overgrowth left after this. He said the Epsom salt is flushing the yeast out of my small intestine while the colonics are flushing it out of the small intestine, plus I am taking probiotics. He said that’s good enough. Works for me!
Something I am really looking forward to, aside from eating again in general, is eating coconut oil again. The health benefits of coconut oil are amazing and I love the taste. It’s also really good for the thyroid. Much like the Nystatin, I got horrible die off from very small amounts (1/2 tsp) of coconut oil just a few weeks back. After the fast this should not be the case.
*************
Before I wrote the above, I had taken two of the supplements I was given here, the homeopathic for heart and circulation and some mineral mix. Now I am bloated. Trying to stay positive.
Today I had an appointment with the doctor. I mentioned I feel a bit weak so he took my blood pressure. It was 95/60 – no wonder I feel weak. I also mentioned the bloating after eating broth. He called another guy who works here, Herr Faulstich. He is a “Diplom Oecotrophologe”. No idea what that is but I was supposed to go talk to him about the broth. The doc also had me lie down on a table and he felt around on my stomach. He said I must have had bladder infections at one point in my life and I did. He said he could still feel it. Huh?
He then pushed around and said that it must hurt and as he was moving further up and pushing said that it probably hurts more. Well it did. I was very surprised. He recommended an ostheopathic treatment. Not sure what it is but I am scheduled for one next week. I’ll do some research on it and will cancel it if it feels hoakie.
Next I went to see Herr Faulstich. He said the broth is just veggies and of course “vegetable broth granules” for seasoning. Huh again!? This is why I asked the first night if there is anything in it and was told there isn’t. Anyway, starting tonight I will get clear broth from one veggie without any spices or herbs what so ever. Yum – bet that tastes GREAT! He said I must still be reacting to something. I really hope it was the stupid granules since they tend to have things like yeast extract, corn flour, maltodextrin, etc.
I feel quiet today. Not really sad, depressed or angry, but also not really joyful or happy. When I talked to the doc about bloating after drinking clear broth I almost started to cry. I am so ready to be able to eat without discomfort again. I know, I have said this before.
I can’t say that doing this fast is really hard, or that I feel I am not going to make it, but I can’t say that it’s easy either. On some level I wish I could be done already. I wish I could be healthy without going through this.
I did remember last night that the first doctor I talked to here on the phone said that true healing starts around day 10 of a fast. Well, that’s today. I have 11 days to go so that’s quite a bit of healing my body will be going through. I have already made such improvements like no more bloating after 6 days. And I can tolerate 1/8 tsp of Nystatin now which I wasn’t able to just a few weeks ago. The doc did say not to take it right now because there should not be any candida overgrowth left after this. He said the Epsom salt is flushing the yeast out of my small intestine while the colonics are flushing it out of the small intestine, plus I am taking probiotics. He said that’s good enough. Works for me!
Something I am really looking forward to, aside from eating again in general, is eating coconut oil again. The health benefits of coconut oil are amazing and I love the taste. It’s also really good for the thyroid. Much like the Nystatin, I got horrible die off from very small amounts (1/2 tsp) of coconut oil just a few weeks back. After the fast this should not be the case.
*************
Before I wrote the above, I had taken two of the supplements I was given here, the homeopathic for heart and circulation and some mineral mix. Now I am bloated. Trying to stay positive.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Day 8 - 2:40 PM
Yesterday I had nothing but tea, water and probiotics. My stomach was normal all day long. It was so nice. While talking to my table mates last night about bloating they recommended that I ask for clear broth. I have been thinking that the broth is rather thick and they confirmed that this was not the case when the original doctor was still around. So before heading up to my room I asked one of the employees if I could get clear broth. She said, "without carbohydrates and without pureed potatoes - sure, no problem". I am glad I asked because pureed potatoes is the last thing I need with candida overgrowth.
I woke up today and my stomach was still normal. It felt so awesome and I was so excited. I skipped the juice for breakfast because that too has way too much sugar for candida overgrowth. At lunch, as promised I had clear veggie broth while everybody else was sipping thick tomato broth. It was tasty but the disappointment was that half an hour after drinking it I was just as bloated as before. This definitely put a damper on my mood and I just wanted to cry. I am trying to remind myself that I still have 13 days to go and my body will do a lot of healing in that time. But it's definitely harder keeping a positive attitude and to keep believing in healing when clear broth makes you bloat and look like you are pregnant. I will discuss it with the doctor during my next appointment.
I also feel tired, worn out, and down today. After lunch I tried to take a nap but despite being very tired I could not fall asleep. Today is a tough day - I just want this to be over. I am faced with eliminating even the clear broth if I want to get better and then I have to figure out how to keep my blood sugar from dropping too low. I already got my schedule for tomorrow and there was no doctor's appointment on it so Tuesday will be the earliest I can discuss it with the doctor.
I woke up today and my stomach was still normal. It felt so awesome and I was so excited. I skipped the juice for breakfast because that too has way too much sugar for candida overgrowth. At lunch, as promised I had clear veggie broth while everybody else was sipping thick tomato broth. It was tasty but the disappointment was that half an hour after drinking it I was just as bloated as before. This definitely put a damper on my mood and I just wanted to cry. I am trying to remind myself that I still have 13 days to go and my body will do a lot of healing in that time. But it's definitely harder keeping a positive attitude and to keep believing in healing when clear broth makes you bloat and look like you are pregnant. I will discuss it with the doctor during my next appointment.
I also feel tired, worn out, and down today. After lunch I tried to take a nap but despite being very tired I could not fall asleep. Today is a tough day - I just want this to be over. I am faced with eliminating even the clear broth if I want to get better and then I have to figure out how to keep my blood sugar from dropping too low. I already got my schedule for tomorrow and there was no doctor's appointment on it so Tuesday will be the earliest I can discuss it with the doctor.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Day 7 - 3:15 PM
I feel blessed today.
Not much to report really. Feeling pretty cold now from fasting. Walked down to town today to get a TV magazine and take some pics in town. I was out and about for roughly an hour. It's very cold!
Got a hot/cold arm bath around 7 AM, a colonic at 10 AM, did a short weight workout (shoulders and triceps), and sat in the infrared cabin around 11:30 AM. Jumped in the pool to cool off then went back to my room to take a shower and get dressed.
There's a guided hike this afternoon but I did not go. They walk about an hour, go to some cafe for tea, then walk back and I did not feel like walking that much. Instead I have been taking it easy, studying Spanish, and now I am about to head back to the room to read or watch TV.
One week down, two to go. I am praying and hoping that by the end of the fast all the food intolerances will be gone. I want this so much I can practically feel what it will be like when I eat some beef or chicken or anything I have been reacting to, and not have any reactions. It would be such a huge relieve. I am begging God to remove all of them while I am here.
I might leave a day or two early so I can spend more time with mom. She is not doing so well because her pain seems to be getting worse. I figure I can finish one or two days on my own at her house. She seemed to like that idea.
Not much to report really. Feeling pretty cold now from fasting. Walked down to town today to get a TV magazine and take some pics in town. I was out and about for roughly an hour. It's very cold!
Got a hot/cold arm bath around 7 AM, a colonic at 10 AM, did a short weight workout (shoulders and triceps), and sat in the infrared cabin around 11:30 AM. Jumped in the pool to cool off then went back to my room to take a shower and get dressed.
There's a guided hike this afternoon but I did not go. They walk about an hour, go to some cafe for tea, then walk back and I did not feel like walking that much. Instead I have been taking it easy, studying Spanish, and now I am about to head back to the room to read or watch TV.
One week down, two to go. I am praying and hoping that by the end of the fast all the food intolerances will be gone. I want this so much I can practically feel what it will be like when I eat some beef or chicken or anything I have been reacting to, and not have any reactions. It would be such a huge relieve. I am begging God to remove all of them while I am here.
I might leave a day or two early so I can spend more time with mom. She is not doing so well because her pain seems to be getting worse. I figure I can finish one or two days on my own at her house. She seemed to like that idea.
Day 7 - 6 AM
Bloating, headache, and backache GONE! This is the first time in 14 months that my stomach feels normal and that horrible distended, pressure feeling is gone. Thank you Jesus!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Day 6 - 2 PM
Not much to say today.
Headache is better, eye lids are less swollen.
I want some beef ribs.
Tried the Tai Chi class. Was bored after 5 minutes. Walked out after 8 minutes.
Went for a 45-minute walk....it's much colder today.
Colonic at 11:20 AM.
Lunch was pumpkin broth.
Round table discussion later today - "Active and calm with positive self-talk".
Have I mentioned I want some beef ribs?
Headache is better, eye lids are less swollen.
I want some beef ribs.
Tried the Tai Chi class. Was bored after 5 minutes. Walked out after 8 minutes.
Went for a 45-minute walk....it's much colder today.
Colonic at 11:20 AM.
Lunch was pumpkin broth.
Round table discussion later today - "Active and calm with positive self-talk".
Have I mentioned I want some beef ribs?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 5 - Noon
Last night the Epsom salt started working around 2 AM. SO glad I woke up! Then again around 5:30 AM but overall I slept better than the night before. I have a headache again today and I realize it’s because of the probiotics I am taking. I took 8 last night and only 3 the night before. But I would rather feel crappy here and get as much die off out of the way while I am fasting, so it’s all over and done with when I leave here.
I thought I was getting an arm bath this morning but it was an arm “shower”. You lean over this metal contraption that keeps you from getting wet and hold on to a handle on each side. A woman takes a hose and runs warm water down one arm for a few minutes and then the other arm. Next she quickly hoses down each arm with ice cold water. The whole process is repeated and then you are done. I was told to just wipe the water off my arms with my hands but not to use a towel. Not sure why and didn’t ask.
At 8 AM I went to the infrared cabin but the person before me was still in there. From the name I knew it was a woman so I peeked around the corner. She said she would be done in a few minutes. I told her I had put my name in for the 8 AM slot and apparently she was unaware that you have to sign up for it. She offered that I could come in and just join her. Ummm – NO! It’s a small cabin, people sweat in it, and I want to wipe it down with the provided disinfectant wipes before I sit in there. I bring a towel to sit on but it’s hard to keep a towel on the back part that you lean on (and that people SWEAT on). I told her I appreciate it and I would wait. I sat back down in the waiting area and heard her holler that I should come in because she still has TEN minutes left. I was thinking, OR, you could do the right thing and leave since I signed up, like you are supposed to, and you didn’t. I left…
Instead I walked to town and looked around Edeka (grocery store) and then went back to Tegut (the other grocery store I went to my first day here). The post office is inside Tegut and I needed a stamp for a post card to the US. Outside Edeka was a “food cart” that had rotisserie chicken. Boy did it smell good!
Aside from the wicked headache (must reduce probios tonight!), I feel better today. My mood is much better and I don’t feel so dark and angry. I am looking forward to reading, knitting, and watching TV today. Last night I ran into my table mates again and they seemed much nicer. Actually, one of them encouraged me to come join them for lunch and dinner today. Now that I know the ACTUAL time lunch and dinner are served I will do so. I plan on going to the 12:15 PM prayer meeting and then straight to lunch. It might be nice to sit down there and “eat” and have someone to talk to.
I want to say again (or maybe I haven’t yet), that everybody here is SO nice. Everybody I had talked to on the phone before coming here was nice and everybody I have met in person here has been equally nice and very helpful. They all really seem to care, they ask how you are doing and it doesn’t seem like a superficial question. If you have something going on like a headache, on-going hunger, etc. they give you helpful suggestions, and more. It’s a very cool place and I wish I could come here for a 7 or 10 day fast once a year.
The doctor’s appointment was sort of useless. He took my blood pressure which was 94/60. I explained that my HR is elevated on exertion for which I take a beta blocker. Said beta blocker lowers my HR so I can go for walks, ride the bike, walk up the stairs without being out of breath, etc. but it also drops my already low blood pressure even lower. We briefly discussed POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) which he didn’t know much about. I talked about taking Cytomel and it possibly affecting my HR but he was not familiar with Cytomel. I asked him if I could take Armour for a few days just as a trial or if I should wait until I am done fasting but he said that would be ok to try now. Considering how little he seemed to know about thyroid issues I am not sure I trust his opinion.
He asked why my right cheek is bigger than my left cheek. Incidentally he is not the first doctor to ask me this question but I have no idea. Of course my face is puffy right now, too, so it’s even more noticeable. Actually, everything seems worse on my right side – the swollen eye lid, my cheek, cold hands and feet, and even the pain the other night. I will ask the doctor at my next visit but I doubt he’ll have an answer.
I also noticed that my HR was about 10 beats higher this morning than it was yesterday morning. And then I noticed that I forgot to take my last dose of Cytomel last night. So if anything, I would say the heart rate issue is caused by LOW T3 and not too much Cytomel. On the last blood test my T3 was normal, but it was mid-range and when taking Cytomel you want it to be at the top range or maybe even slightly over. Since I already started with Cytomel today I am going to UP my dose by 12.5 mcg and see how I feel tomorrow morning. If it’s not better I’ll try Armour for a few days.
This is what I go through at home with all these constantly changing symptoms. I can drive myself nuts but how do you just ignore it all and let go? None of the doctors I have seen have been worth anything. We should implement China’s systems of paying doctors when they have figured out what is wrong and have actually HELPED a patient.
On a different note, I read another article on candida overgrowth symptoms last night. I found the following very interesting:
The brain is the organ that is most frequently affected by Candida Symptoms, but it also has profound negative effects on these systems:
• digestive
• nervous
• cardiovascular
• respiratory
• reproductive
• urinary
• endocrine
• lymphatic
• musculoskeletal
Candida symptoms can vary from one person to another and often move back and forth between systems within the same individual. One day you may experience symptoms in the musculoskeletal system and the next day it could be the digestive system ,etc.
If this is true, then it might explain why my HR seems fine one day and is going crazy the next. It could also explain why it’s acting up again right now. If candida can affect the autonomic nervous system then it could affect a person’s heart rate….I would think. Really wishing I had gone to med school. I find all this fascinating just wish I wasn’t my own guinea pig.
OK, back to my day. After the doc appointment I actually managed a mini-weight work out then came back to my room to take a shower. Next I am heading to the prayer meeting and then lunch. Today we get zucchini broth – yum! Oh, I finally am not all that hungry anymore. I get an occasional hunger pang but then it goes away.
More later…
I thought I was getting an arm bath this morning but it was an arm “shower”. You lean over this metal contraption that keeps you from getting wet and hold on to a handle on each side. A woman takes a hose and runs warm water down one arm for a few minutes and then the other arm. Next she quickly hoses down each arm with ice cold water. The whole process is repeated and then you are done. I was told to just wipe the water off my arms with my hands but not to use a towel. Not sure why and didn’t ask.
At 8 AM I went to the infrared cabin but the person before me was still in there. From the name I knew it was a woman so I peeked around the corner. She said she would be done in a few minutes. I told her I had put my name in for the 8 AM slot and apparently she was unaware that you have to sign up for it. She offered that I could come in and just join her. Ummm – NO! It’s a small cabin, people sweat in it, and I want to wipe it down with the provided disinfectant wipes before I sit in there. I bring a towel to sit on but it’s hard to keep a towel on the back part that you lean on (and that people SWEAT on). I told her I appreciate it and I would wait. I sat back down in the waiting area and heard her holler that I should come in because she still has TEN minutes left. I was thinking, OR, you could do the right thing and leave since I signed up, like you are supposed to, and you didn’t. I left…
Instead I walked to town and looked around Edeka (grocery store) and then went back to Tegut (the other grocery store I went to my first day here). The post office is inside Tegut and I needed a stamp for a post card to the US. Outside Edeka was a “food cart” that had rotisserie chicken. Boy did it smell good!
Aside from the wicked headache (must reduce probios tonight!), I feel better today. My mood is much better and I don’t feel so dark and angry. I am looking forward to reading, knitting, and watching TV today. Last night I ran into my table mates again and they seemed much nicer. Actually, one of them encouraged me to come join them for lunch and dinner today. Now that I know the ACTUAL time lunch and dinner are served I will do so. I plan on going to the 12:15 PM prayer meeting and then straight to lunch. It might be nice to sit down there and “eat” and have someone to talk to.
I want to say again (or maybe I haven’t yet), that everybody here is SO nice. Everybody I had talked to on the phone before coming here was nice and everybody I have met in person here has been equally nice and very helpful. They all really seem to care, they ask how you are doing and it doesn’t seem like a superficial question. If you have something going on like a headache, on-going hunger, etc. they give you helpful suggestions, and more. It’s a very cool place and I wish I could come here for a 7 or 10 day fast once a year.
The doctor’s appointment was sort of useless. He took my blood pressure which was 94/60. I explained that my HR is elevated on exertion for which I take a beta blocker. Said beta blocker lowers my HR so I can go for walks, ride the bike, walk up the stairs without being out of breath, etc. but it also drops my already low blood pressure even lower. We briefly discussed POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) which he didn’t know much about. I talked about taking Cytomel and it possibly affecting my HR but he was not familiar with Cytomel. I asked him if I could take Armour for a few days just as a trial or if I should wait until I am done fasting but he said that would be ok to try now. Considering how little he seemed to know about thyroid issues I am not sure I trust his opinion.
He asked why my right cheek is bigger than my left cheek. Incidentally he is not the first doctor to ask me this question but I have no idea. Of course my face is puffy right now, too, so it’s even more noticeable. Actually, everything seems worse on my right side – the swollen eye lid, my cheek, cold hands and feet, and even the pain the other night. I will ask the doctor at my next visit but I doubt he’ll have an answer.
I also noticed that my HR was about 10 beats higher this morning than it was yesterday morning. And then I noticed that I forgot to take my last dose of Cytomel last night. So if anything, I would say the heart rate issue is caused by LOW T3 and not too much Cytomel. On the last blood test my T3 was normal, but it was mid-range and when taking Cytomel you want it to be at the top range or maybe even slightly over. Since I already started with Cytomel today I am going to UP my dose by 12.5 mcg and see how I feel tomorrow morning. If it’s not better I’ll try Armour for a few days.
This is what I go through at home with all these constantly changing symptoms. I can drive myself nuts but how do you just ignore it all and let go? None of the doctors I have seen have been worth anything. We should implement China’s systems of paying doctors when they have figured out what is wrong and have actually HELPED a patient.
On a different note, I read another article on candida overgrowth symptoms last night. I found the following very interesting:
The brain is the organ that is most frequently affected by Candida Symptoms, but it also has profound negative effects on these systems:
• digestive
• nervous
• cardiovascular
• respiratory
• reproductive
• urinary
• endocrine
• lymphatic
• musculoskeletal
Candida symptoms can vary from one person to another and often move back and forth between systems within the same individual. One day you may experience symptoms in the musculoskeletal system and the next day it could be the digestive system ,etc.
If this is true, then it might explain why my HR seems fine one day and is going crazy the next. It could also explain why it’s acting up again right now. If candida can affect the autonomic nervous system then it could affect a person’s heart rate….I would think. Really wishing I had gone to med school. I find all this fascinating just wish I wasn’t my own guinea pig.
OK, back to my day. After the doc appointment I actually managed a mini-weight work out then came back to my room to take a shower. Next I am heading to the prayer meeting and then lunch. Today we get zucchini broth – yum! Oh, I finally am not all that hungry anymore. I get an occasional hunger pang but then it goes away.
More later…
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
DUH!
So I thought it was odd that they scheduled the daily prayer time at 12:15 PM when lunch is from noon to 12:30 PM. And today I found out that lunch is from 12:30 PM to 1 PM! I also found out that dinner is from 6:30 PM to 7:00 PM and not from 6:00 PM to 6:30 PM. Every day I have been coming to lunch and dinner half an hour early wondering why the girl serving the broth would ask me, "would you like your broth NOW already?"
The thing is, those are the times listed in the brochure that was left in my room. So I didn't even bother looking at the little sign on the dining room door indicating the correct times. Now I know!
I started feeling better about 2 hours ago...more cheerful and energetic. I hope it stays that way.
Chose tea with honey for "dinner" but only had about 1 tsp of the honey. They give you a little ramekin full but that's way too much. I also noticed that it was rather addictive. I started with maybe 1/8 of a tsp and wanted to gulp down the whole thing. No more honey for me!
Tomorrow I am going to the prayer time. I think it will be really good to be in prayer with others every day.
The thing is, those are the times listed in the brochure that was left in my room. So I didn't even bother looking at the little sign on the dining room door indicating the correct times. Now I know!
I started feeling better about 2 hours ago...more cheerful and energetic. I hope it stays that way.
Chose tea with honey for "dinner" but only had about 1 tsp of the honey. They give you a little ramekin full but that's way too much. I also noticed that it was rather addictive. I started with maybe 1/8 of a tsp and wanted to gulp down the whole thing. No more honey for me!
Tomorrow I am going to the prayer time. I think it will be really good to be in prayer with others every day.
Day 4 - 5:45 PM
I spent all afternoon in my room knitting. Didn't even watch TV. I finished one glove (pictures later) and I am hoping that Bob is a Michael Jackson fan. :)
Just got my schedule for tomorrow:
7:20 AM Hot/Cold Arm Bath
9:50 AM Doctor's appointment
11:00 AM Colonics
So I am going to squeeze in the infrared cabin around 8 AM and a walk after the doctor's appointment or after the colonic.
Just got my schedule for tomorrow:
7:20 AM Hot/Cold Arm Bath
9:50 AM Doctor's appointment
11:00 AM Colonics
So I am going to squeeze in the infrared cabin around 8 AM and a walk after the doctor's appointment or after the colonic.
Day 4 - 2:10 PM
Last night was rough. By 8 PM the pain in my lower back was radiating down my right leg all the way into my foot. It was awful and I had a hard time falling asleep because of it. I woke up around 1:15 AM and it seemed even worse. So I took 1/2 of a Percocet and 2 Tylenol and once the pain was subsiding, I was able to fall asleep again until 6 AM. This morning I had no pain but I felt very swollen all over - my eye lids, my face, and my whole body. I could barely get my wedding band on.
I had tomato juice at 8 AM, a hot/cold herbal arm bath at 9:10 AM, went for a 30 minute walk, then got a colonic at 10:20 AM. Next I sat in the infrared cabin for 25 minutes, then took a shower and had tomato broth for lunch. I still feel very swollen right now but have no pain...not sure if that's still from the painkillers.
The doctor did not take my weight the first day but I had to weigh myself the second morning right before the colonic. I weighed 65 kilos (143 lbs.). The next morning I weighed 64.5 kilos (141.9 lbs.) and today I weighed the same as yesterday. When I made the reservation to come here I was happy with my size. Since then I have gone up a size so I am glad that I will also lose some weight while I am here. Right now I am about 7 lbs heavier than I normally am.
Yesterday morning the bloating was almost gone when I got up, but after having juice and broth I was back to looking pregnant. This morning the bloating was worse again. I think I am not doing so well with the tomato juice so I am switching to red beet juice tomorrow. I may even throw in an occasional day of having just water and tea just to give my poor body a break.
There's nothing going on this afternoon I want to participate in but around 7:30 PM a doctor is doing a presentation. It's called "We are what we eat and think". Should be interesting.
After lunch I started working on the gloves I am knitting for Bob. (I love you honey but I hope you never want handmade gloves again). Man, knitting all those individual fingers is cumbersome. I only have to do the index finger and thumb and I am done with the right glove.
Emotionally I feel dark and disconnected. I am praying every day but I feel nothing. They are just words I am saying without any feeling attached to them. I hate it when I am like this but I have found that this tends to be part of die off for me as well. So I keep reading the bible, I keep praying, and I keep talking to God. I do hope that throughout this fast I will draw closer to Him.
I had tomato juice at 8 AM, a hot/cold herbal arm bath at 9:10 AM, went for a 30 minute walk, then got a colonic at 10:20 AM. Next I sat in the infrared cabin for 25 minutes, then took a shower and had tomato broth for lunch. I still feel very swollen right now but have no pain...not sure if that's still from the painkillers.
The doctor did not take my weight the first day but I had to weigh myself the second morning right before the colonic. I weighed 65 kilos (143 lbs.). The next morning I weighed 64.5 kilos (141.9 lbs.) and today I weighed the same as yesterday. When I made the reservation to come here I was happy with my size. Since then I have gone up a size so I am glad that I will also lose some weight while I am here. Right now I am about 7 lbs heavier than I normally am.
Yesterday morning the bloating was almost gone when I got up, but after having juice and broth I was back to looking pregnant. This morning the bloating was worse again. I think I am not doing so well with the tomato juice so I am switching to red beet juice tomorrow. I may even throw in an occasional day of having just water and tea just to give my poor body a break.
There's nothing going on this afternoon I want to participate in but around 7:30 PM a doctor is doing a presentation. It's called "We are what we eat and think". Should be interesting.
After lunch I started working on the gloves I am knitting for Bob. (I love you honey but I hope you never want handmade gloves again). Man, knitting all those individual fingers is cumbersome. I only have to do the index finger and thumb and I am done with the right glove.
Emotionally I feel dark and disconnected. I am praying every day but I feel nothing. They are just words I am saying without any feeling attached to them. I hate it when I am like this but I have found that this tends to be part of die off for me as well. So I keep reading the bible, I keep praying, and I keep talking to God. I do hope that throughout this fast I will draw closer to Him.
Snow
Yesterday it snowed.
And then it really snowed.
Double-click on the pics to see them bigger.
And this is the view from my room BTW.
And then it really snowed.
Double-click on the pics to see them bigger.
And this is the view from my room BTW.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Day 3 - 5:15 PM
Aside from an awful headache, upper backache, and lower backache I feel pretty good. Maybe that's an oxymoron...I dunno. Because I am in pain and also sort of tired I did not do much today. I spent time in my room reading and watching TV while knitting. Mom called and we talked for a while and now I am back in the internet room. I am very, very hungry today. Hungrier than I have been. Dinner is in 45 minutes. I saw they put a glass of tomato juice on the table for me and I hope that doesn't mean I won't get broth. I would much rather have some warm broth.
Tonight I plan on staying in my room and watching TV. I find it hard to concentrate on a book even but I know that's all part of the die off process. I did sit in the infrared cabin for 25 minutes and that felt really good on my achy back.
Tonight I plan on staying in my room and watching TV. I find it hard to concentrate on a book even but I know that's all part of the die off process. I did sit in the infrared cabin for 25 minutes and that felt really good on my achy back.
Day 3 - 12:40 PM
I had my "stationary bike session" at 10:10 AM. It is supervised and you have to record your high and low heart rate. I don't know why I worry so much about bad breath. The woman who was "supervising" the stationary bike riding had horrible breath and she is not fasting/detoxing.
After that I hung out at my room for a bit then went for a 30 minute walk. It felt good to be outside and I took some pictures. It really is beautiful around here. The clinic is up on a hill overlooking the town. Lunch was carrot broth - I had two cups. Found out that you can ask for seconds.
Headache and backache are close to unbearable but I am not surprised. Still hungry hoping this will pass. I was told that by day 3 hunger should be gone. This is not the experience I had last time I fasted at home and I was told that I must not have eliminated properly. I did and between taking Epsom salt daily, drinking only liquids, and getting a daily colonic I would say I am eliminating properly here. I am supposed to get 2 exams a week with a doctor so I'll ask him.
After that I hung out at my room for a bit then went for a 30 minute walk. It felt good to be outside and I took some pictures. It really is beautiful around here. The clinic is up on a hill overlooking the town. Lunch was carrot broth - I had two cups. Found out that you can ask for seconds.
Headache and backache are close to unbearable but I am not surprised. Still hungry hoping this will pass. I was told that by day 3 hunger should be gone. This is not the experience I had last time I fasted at home and I was told that I must not have eliminated properly. I did and between taking Epsom salt daily, drinking only liquids, and getting a daily colonic I would say I am eliminating properly here. I am supposed to get 2 exams a week with a doctor so I'll ask him.
Day 3 - 9:00 AM
I slept 9 hours which is so unusual for me. Normally I wake up after 7 or 8 hours and sleeping longer actually just makes me feel worse. In addition, I had a colonic scheduled for 7:30 AM so I felt rushed right after getting up. Didn't do my quiet time or prayer time either. Weight this morning was 64.5 kilos (142.9 lbs).
My tongue looks disgusting and I don't even want to know what my breath is like. The headache is worse today and I also have an upper and a a lower backache. All part of detoxing and die off. My heart rate was still pretty high this morning. I strapped on my HR monitor and it was around 106 just walking down the hallway and then jumped to 135 walking up one flight of stairs. Since I have no desire to just sit around all day I took a beta blocker. It was fine for a while last year so that's what I am clinging to. It sounds crazy, but maybe it's really all related to fungal overgrowth. I don't know what else it would be because 3,671 tests of various kind have revealed nothing.
Breakfast this morning was tomato juice. I added some Celtic sea salt since the doc said my sodium is too low and I should add some to my meals. I took the juice up to my room with me since I am not that thrilled with my table mates. I met two of them last night and they seemed to know each other as well as the other woman who was not there yet. They greeted me but I found it hard to participate in their conversation. In addition, they were eating bread. I asked if they are doing the Mayr type fast (rolls and milk) but they said they are doing the regular broth/juice fast but they add bread because it "helps settle your stomach". Ummm, ok!? That's not really fasting and I have no desire to sit in front of a plate of bread at every "meal" when I am getting nothing but juice and broth. Maybe I am just still cranky but for now I am going to have my "meals" in my room.
Aside from the colonic my other doctor's order for today is riding the stationary bike. There's also a Pilates class at 2:30 PM but I may find that riding the bike and going for a walk is enough. It's cold outside but I find if I bundle up really warm it actually feels good to get out in the fresh air.
I was going to attend the daily prayer time today but realized it's at a really bad time. Lunch is from 12 PM to 12:30 PM and the prayer time is at 12:15 PM. Was that on purpose?
My tongue looks disgusting and I don't even want to know what my breath is like. The headache is worse today and I also have an upper and a a lower backache. All part of detoxing and die off. My heart rate was still pretty high this morning. I strapped on my HR monitor and it was around 106 just walking down the hallway and then jumped to 135 walking up one flight of stairs. Since I have no desire to just sit around all day I took a beta blocker. It was fine for a while last year so that's what I am clinging to. It sounds crazy, but maybe it's really all related to fungal overgrowth. I don't know what else it would be because 3,671 tests of various kind have revealed nothing.
Breakfast this morning was tomato juice. I added some Celtic sea salt since the doc said my sodium is too low and I should add some to my meals. I took the juice up to my room with me since I am not that thrilled with my table mates. I met two of them last night and they seemed to know each other as well as the other woman who was not there yet. They greeted me but I found it hard to participate in their conversation. In addition, they were eating bread. I asked if they are doing the Mayr type fast (rolls and milk) but they said they are doing the regular broth/juice fast but they add bread because it "helps settle your stomach". Ummm, ok!? That's not really fasting and I have no desire to sit in front of a plate of bread at every "meal" when I am getting nothing but juice and broth. Maybe I am just still cranky but for now I am going to have my "meals" in my room.
Aside from the colonic my other doctor's order for today is riding the stationary bike. There's also a Pilates class at 2:30 PM but I may find that riding the bike and going for a walk is enough. It's cold outside but I find if I bundle up really warm it actually feels good to get out in the fresh air.
I was going to attend the daily prayer time today but realized it's at a really bad time. Lunch is from 12 PM to 12:30 PM and the prayer time is at 12:15 PM. Was that on purpose?
Monday, January 18, 2010
Day 2
Today was a good day. Woke up around 6 AM and walked downstairs to get some tea. Still have a slight headache and white colored tongue. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be though.
At 7:30 AM I got my first chamomile infused colonic after they weighed me (142 lbs). The colonics only last about 10 minutes since you are getting one every day. So it’s not the full blown 45 minute deal. After the colonic I went to breakfast. I had some carrot juice, filled my water bottle and went back to my room. At 9:15 AM I got a hot/cold foot bath. They have double sinks lined up along the floor. One side has warm bath water with some herbal foam bath in it. The other side has cold, VERY cold, plain water in it. You put your legs up to about mid-calf into the warm herbal bath water for 5 minutes. Then you stick your legs into the cold water for about 10 seconds. You repeat this one more time and supposedly this brings “tired legs back to life”. Ummm, ok.
Since my legs were “alive” after this nice bath, or at least part of them, I walked down to town (Bad Brueckenau) to see if I can find a skin brush. The store the doctor recommended was nice but seeing all the food and smelling the baked goods wasn’t exactly easy. I found my skin brush and left. I walked around the town a bit and took some pics then came back to the clinic.
Although I took a beta blocker this morning my heart rate was really high coming back up the hill to the clinic. I started feeling some anxiety about the state of my health but decided not to go there. Instead I
Kept telling myself that I am getting better and better every day.
On a different note, when I looked at the tiny amount of Epsom salt they left in my room last night I did not think it would do much. Boy was I wrong. About 40 minutes after taking I was in the bathroom….several times and then again when I got up this morning.
After my walk to town I sat in the infrared cabin for 15 minutes (must bring a book next time so I can last the recommended 30 minutes) and then I took a swim. Or attempted to take a swim at least. After 5 minutes I was bored and went back to my room to take a shower. I also don’t think dwelling in a pool with tons of chlorine is very conducive to healing.
I took a shower and read until it was time for lunch. Today we got potato broth which was INCREDIBLE. It wasn’t clear broth but looked like they had pureed just tiny bit of potatoes into it. I know, you wouldn’t think that potato broth could be that good but it was! I once read that you should chew your liquids and drink your food so I tried chewing each spoonful. I know I don’t chew my food well enough and it’s something I want to change when I am done with this fast.
I have met several people who come here on a regular basis. One woman I spoke to this morning said she has been coming here for 26 years. Another woman last night said this is her 7th time. She also said that things were even more basic when the doctor who originally started the clinic was still alive. Apparently he felt that everybody who has health issues should fast at least 4 weeks. There were no TVs in the rooms and there was no internet connection. He wanted people to focus inward and get the spiritual benefits of fasting.
Next I went to a roundtable discussion on fasting. It was interesting and I got to ask a lot of questions. The guy leading the discussion suggested I have broth at night instead of tea with honey. It was one of the questions I had since I have fungal overgrowth and fungi as well as bacteria feed on sugar.
I tried the sauna again but took a beta blocker about half an hour before I went. It was better but I still felt dizzy and my heart was racing after sitting in the sauna. While I was sitting in there by myself I started thinking about all the health issues I have been dealing with. I started saying over and over “God heals all diseases” and then I just started to cry. I have been SO stressed dealing with all these health issues daily. The hardest part is eating and then reacting, every single day.
After the sauna I took the house tour since I missed it yesterday. The lady who does the tour was half an hour late. After the tour I got my broth and now I am here. Hoping to Skype with Bob and then head to the room for the night.
Now I’m hungry and cranky!
At 7:30 AM I got my first chamomile infused colonic after they weighed me (142 lbs). The colonics only last about 10 minutes since you are getting one every day. So it’s not the full blown 45 minute deal. After the colonic I went to breakfast. I had some carrot juice, filled my water bottle and went back to my room. At 9:15 AM I got a hot/cold foot bath. They have double sinks lined up along the floor. One side has warm bath water with some herbal foam bath in it. The other side has cold, VERY cold, plain water in it. You put your legs up to about mid-calf into the warm herbal bath water for 5 minutes. Then you stick your legs into the cold water for about 10 seconds. You repeat this one more time and supposedly this brings “tired legs back to life”. Ummm, ok.
Since my legs were “alive” after this nice bath, or at least part of them, I walked down to town (Bad Brueckenau) to see if I can find a skin brush. The store the doctor recommended was nice but seeing all the food and smelling the baked goods wasn’t exactly easy. I found my skin brush and left. I walked around the town a bit and took some pics then came back to the clinic.
Although I took a beta blocker this morning my heart rate was really high coming back up the hill to the clinic. I started feeling some anxiety about the state of my health but decided not to go there. Instead I
Kept telling myself that I am getting better and better every day.
On a different note, when I looked at the tiny amount of Epsom salt they left in my room last night I did not think it would do much. Boy was I wrong. About 40 minutes after taking I was in the bathroom….several times and then again when I got up this morning.
After my walk to town I sat in the infrared cabin for 15 minutes (must bring a book next time so I can last the recommended 30 minutes) and then I took a swim. Or attempted to take a swim at least. After 5 minutes I was bored and went back to my room to take a shower. I also don’t think dwelling in a pool with tons of chlorine is very conducive to healing.
I took a shower and read until it was time for lunch. Today we got potato broth which was INCREDIBLE. It wasn’t clear broth but looked like they had pureed just tiny bit of potatoes into it. I know, you wouldn’t think that potato broth could be that good but it was! I once read that you should chew your liquids and drink your food so I tried chewing each spoonful. I know I don’t chew my food well enough and it’s something I want to change when I am done with this fast.
I have met several people who come here on a regular basis. One woman I spoke to this morning said she has been coming here for 26 years. Another woman last night said this is her 7th time. She also said that things were even more basic when the doctor who originally started the clinic was still alive. Apparently he felt that everybody who has health issues should fast at least 4 weeks. There were no TVs in the rooms and there was no internet connection. He wanted people to focus inward and get the spiritual benefits of fasting.
Next I went to a roundtable discussion on fasting. It was interesting and I got to ask a lot of questions. The guy leading the discussion suggested I have broth at night instead of tea with honey. It was one of the questions I had since I have fungal overgrowth and fungi as well as bacteria feed on sugar.
I tried the sauna again but took a beta blocker about half an hour before I went. It was better but I still felt dizzy and my heart was racing after sitting in the sauna. While I was sitting in there by myself I started thinking about all the health issues I have been dealing with. I started saying over and over “God heals all diseases” and then I just started to cry. I have been SO stressed dealing with all these health issues daily. The hardest part is eating and then reacting, every single day.
After the sauna I took the house tour since I missed it yesterday. The lady who does the tour was half an hour late. After the tour I got my broth and now I am here. Hoping to Skype with Bob and then head to the room for the night.
Now I’m hungry and cranky!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day 1 cont.
I skyped with Bob this afternoon, talked to mom, watched some TV, then went to see the doctor. Oddly I am not very hungry although I have not had anything to “eat” today, not even juice or broth. The doctor was nice, asked a lot of questions, wrote stuff down, then did an exam. He gave me a probiotic, some mineral stuff, and a homeopathic that is supposed to support your heart and circulation.
It was 7 PM by the time I was done. Since I missed “dinner” (1 cup herbal tea with 1 T honey) I decided to check out the sauna. I was hoping I could tolerate it without taking a beta blocker but I was wrong. I only lasted 12 minutes in there and when I got up to go out my heart rate was so high I had to lean on the wall for a little while. Very disappointing! So if I want to get the benefit of sitting in the sauna I am going to have to take a beta blocker. I don’t like those options.
The heart rate issue is one that I would really like to figure out. It just does not seem that my thyroid med (Cytomel) is causing it, at the same time, I keep going back to it. There are many things I am unsure about and I am hoping that God will give me some answers during this fast. If you are reading this and feel inclined to pray, here is what I am confused about:
1. Should I switch back to Armour Thyroid or stay on Cytomel? Or do I need a combination of the two?
2. Should I taper off the progesterone cream and just stay off of it for a while, then get re-tested?
3. What is causing the heart rate issue?
Writing about it produces some anxiety for me. I haven’t gone to the “what if this fast doesn’t help” what if. I am trying to just focus on today and keep thinking positive.
They have a Catholic church service twice a week and guided prayer time every Monday through Friday at 12:15 PM. There’s a pastor on staff here that you can talk to if you feel the need. And tomorrow he is doing a presentation (for lack of a better word) called “Finding God Through Joys and Sorrows”. I am going to check it out.
The doctor recommended dry skin brushing while I am fasting but of course I left mine at home. He said there’s a store in town that should have them. Guess I’ll trek down there tomorrow to see if I can find one. He also recommended I ride the bike every day, participate in water aerobics, and he discussed which of my supplements I should keep taking and which I should stop while fasting.
Overall I am feeling pretty good. Other than the heart rate issue, a mild headache, and now some white coating on my tongue I am fine.
It was 7 PM by the time I was done. Since I missed “dinner” (1 cup herbal tea with 1 T honey) I decided to check out the sauna. I was hoping I could tolerate it without taking a beta blocker but I was wrong. I only lasted 12 minutes in there and when I got up to go out my heart rate was so high I had to lean on the wall for a little while. Very disappointing! So if I want to get the benefit of sitting in the sauna I am going to have to take a beta blocker. I don’t like those options.
The heart rate issue is one that I would really like to figure out. It just does not seem that my thyroid med (Cytomel) is causing it, at the same time, I keep going back to it. There are many things I am unsure about and I am hoping that God will give me some answers during this fast. If you are reading this and feel inclined to pray, here is what I am confused about:
1. Should I switch back to Armour Thyroid or stay on Cytomel? Or do I need a combination of the two?
2. Should I taper off the progesterone cream and just stay off of it for a while, then get re-tested?
3. What is causing the heart rate issue?
Writing about it produces some anxiety for me. I haven’t gone to the “what if this fast doesn’t help” what if. I am trying to just focus on today and keep thinking positive.
They have a Catholic church service twice a week and guided prayer time every Monday through Friday at 12:15 PM. There’s a pastor on staff here that you can talk to if you feel the need. And tomorrow he is doing a presentation (for lack of a better word) called “Finding God Through Joys and Sorrows”. I am going to check it out.
The doctor recommended dry skin brushing while I am fasting but of course I left mine at home. He said there’s a store in town that should have them. Guess I’ll trek down there tomorrow to see if I can find one. He also recommended I ride the bike every day, participate in water aerobics, and he discussed which of my supplements I should keep taking and which I should stop while fasting.
Overall I am feeling pretty good. Other than the heart rate issue, a mild headache, and now some white coating on my tongue I am fine.
Day 1
First day of 21 days of fasting….! Since I am fasting at a clinic, I should point out that I will be talking about colonics, bowel movements, etc. Just in case anybody reading this is squeamish.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
yesterday
The flight was uneventful and I got to Germany 20 minutes early. After dinner on the plane and a movie I got comfy across four seats with 3 pillows and 2 blankets and slept..............30 minutes! I don't get why I just can't seem to sleep during a flight even when I am comfy and have plenty of room.
Mom and I went to the Wiesbaden base before coming home because she wanted to get some Euro and also fill up the car, only to find out that her ID card is expired. We were able to get into the commissary but that's it. I drank some coffee when we got home and that got me through the day without sleeping. By 10 PM I was very tired and slept straight through the night.
I found myself wanting to eat and searching for non-ZC (zero carb) foods most of the day. My original plan was to go into this 21-day fast without any splurges ahead of time but that wasn't so easy. On the flight I decided to take one bite of the roll that came with dinner which led to me eating the whole thing as well as a piece of cheese and the little brownie. I ate ZC throughout the day yesterday but when I got home from visiting with my SIL I had some green beans and also some almonds. I guess it could have been worse.
Considering jetlag and the fact that I ate foods I don't tolerate all that well, I feel pretty good this morning. I am ready to go to the clinic and excited about getting started. I believe that it will be a really good thing overall.
Mom on the other hand is not doing so well. I am worried about her...
Mom and I went to the Wiesbaden base before coming home because she wanted to get some Euro and also fill up the car, only to find out that her ID card is expired. We were able to get into the commissary but that's it. I drank some coffee when we got home and that got me through the day without sleeping. By 10 PM I was very tired and slept straight through the night.
I found myself wanting to eat and searching for non-ZC (zero carb) foods most of the day. My original plan was to go into this 21-day fast without any splurges ahead of time but that wasn't so easy. On the flight I decided to take one bite of the roll that came with dinner which led to me eating the whole thing as well as a piece of cheese and the little brownie. I ate ZC throughout the day yesterday but when I got home from visiting with my SIL I had some green beans and also some almonds. I guess it could have been worse.
Considering jetlag and the fact that I ate foods I don't tolerate all that well, I feel pretty good this morning. I am ready to go to the clinic and excited about getting started. I believe that it will be a really good thing overall.
Mom on the other hand is not doing so well. I am worried about her...
Day 1
First day of 21 days of fasting….! Since I am fasting at a clinic, I should point out that I will be talking about colonics, bowel movements, etc. Just in case anybody reading this is squeamish.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
Anyway, I got up and had some decaffeinated green tea, my meds, and otherwise just water. Mom made some bacon and that was tough. I LOVE bacon and I love the smell of bacon.
Simone drove me to the clinic. Mom was scared to drive because of all the snow we got last night. It was good though because it gave me some time to hang out with Simone and just talk. Plus she is considering spending a week here while I am here so she got to see the place. We got here around 1:15 PM, I checked in, and we went up to my room. It’s small but nice with a roughly twin size bed, a window overlooking a forest, a nightstand, small desk, closet, two chairs and a small (slightly bigger than cruise cabin size) bathroom.
They also put a bottle of sparkling water in the room. YES! I love that stuff. In the bathroom there was a cup with a bit of water and some grainy stuff on the bottom. A little sign indicate that this is Epsom salt which I am supposed to drink every night – YIKES – to assist my body in getting “cleaned”. There was also some sign about some sort of wrap that you get every day while during the “resting” period and it comes in a potato sack which is then to be deposited in designated bins in the hallway. The wraps supposedly help the immune system and circulation.
We took a quick tour of the place and found the pool, sauna, laundry room, internet room (small room with one desktop and one addition internet cable), library, and the two “dining” rooms. One is for people who are eating and the other one is for people who are fasting. Both have a tea and water station with all kinds of different herbal teas. I also found some green tea which I had a cup. I didn’t think caffeine of any kind was allowed during fasting but I figure I may as well have one until I am told I shouldn’t. They also have hot ginger water which I know is very beneficial. I always have good intentions of drinking it daily at home but then never stick to it.
After Simone left I unpacked and then started a load of laundry. I took a bathrobe and some sweatshirts from mom’s house and once I got here I thought they smelled like smoke. I am waiting on those to be done right now.
At 5:10 PM today I have my “entry exam” with one of the doctors. Around 5:30 PM they are doing a tour of the building for all the people who checked in today and the receptionist said it would be to my benefit to try and make it. Apparently they do one every day but she said it’s good to do it the first night and it tends to start a bit late so I should be able to catch up to them after my doctor’s appointment.
Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I am getting my first colonic and at 9 AM I get my first hot/cold herbal foot bath. I guess they don’t mess around. Between the daily Epsom salt and the daily colonics I am going to have the cleanest colon of them all.
They have various free activities every day like guided hikes, excursions into town (on foot) to teach you about groceries, Pilates, music programs, stretching, and more. So they definitely keep you busy which is nice.
I guess that’s it for now. I will update the blog later tonight before I head to bed. It would be nice if I could do so from my room, but at the same time I am glad I don’t have internet access in my room. It would be too tempting to just browse the net all the time. Instead I want to focus on God and the spiritual aspect of fasting.
Friday, January 15, 2010
leaving
Whatever was going on with me two days ago was over yesterday. I felt miserable physically but emotionally I felt much better. I also ate something which I should have done all along. But I can't change the past. And I had no desire to chew and spit.
Today I am flying to Germany. I am excited, apprehensive, and also sad. Saying good-bye to Bob at the airport will be hard. A month is a long time to be separated and I "worry" about him. I know he will be ok, but I also know he doesn't like being alone. And it will be different for me as well. Normally I am with mom and I stay busy for the most part with walking the dog, spending time with her, browsing the internet, seeing friends, etc. But this time I will be in a clinic, I will not have internet access in my room (this is a good thing), and I will have a lot of time to myself. I hope to use that time to focus on God, strengthen my relationship with Him, and REALLY get to know Him. And I hope to spend more time learning Spanish and reading versus watching TV and sitting at this computer.
Today I am flying to Germany. I am excited, apprehensive, and also sad. Saying good-bye to Bob at the airport will be hard. A month is a long time to be separated and I "worry" about him. I know he will be ok, but I also know he doesn't like being alone. And it will be different for me as well. Normally I am with mom and I stay busy for the most part with walking the dog, spending time with her, browsing the internet, seeing friends, etc. But this time I will be in a clinic, I will not have internet access in my room (this is a good thing), and I will have a lot of time to myself. I hope to use that time to focus on God, strengthen my relationship with Him, and REALLY get to know Him. And I hope to spend more time learning Spanish and reading versus watching TV and sitting at this computer.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
still going
I am chewing and spitting again. I was walking around the store earlier telling myself not to do it, not to buy anything that I could even use but then I did anyhow. I am in that dark place today that I can't seem to get out of. The only emotion I can muster is anger. I can't even feel any empathy or sadness for the earthquake victims in Haiti or their families. I don't WANT to be this way but I can't seem to change it. And it's not because my clothes are tighter. They were tight yesterday but I was in a GREAT mood. I want to stop!
crud
Haven't been on my knees at all. Actually, I feel totally disconnected from God today. Yesterday I was in a great, joyful mood and felt pretty good. It's that weird mood where I make everything out to be ok and even justify chewing and spitting. So I did. I don't even feel any great remorse or guilt about it today like I normally do. What the hell is wrong with me?
I also have a headache and backache today and didn't yesterday. I am screwing with my body and it scares me. The weight gain is "killing" me and that scares me, too. It makes me realize how much of a hold this ED still has on me.
This too shall pass!
I also have a headache and backache today and didn't yesterday. I am screwing with my body and it scares me. The weight gain is "killing" me and that scares me, too. It makes me realize how much of a hold this ED still has on me.
This too shall pass!
Monday, January 11, 2010
starting over - again
Yesterday sucked. The whole day was a struggle. Starting some time in the afternoon I wanted to chew and spit. I didn't get back down on my knees, but I kept praying silently. I asked God to help me. This is where I don't understand 12 step programs. If *I* am powerless and I am asking God to help me, then why did I end up chewing and spitting anyhow which I now totally regret? I even called a friend but she was working on finances with her husband so I didn't want to bother her. At 6:30 PM I drove to the store, bought a bag of walnuts, came home, ground them into walnut butter, and then sat at my laptop for a while with the bowl of walnut butter next to me. I got a text message from Sarai. I could have told her then but I was too far gone. Even so, I sat there for about 30 to 40 minutes writing back and forth with Sarai and in the end gave in anyhow. I was so sure that I wasn't going to do it in 2010 yet here I am on day 10 already giving in.
Two weeks ago I was happy, had good energy, and overall felt pretty good. I woke up looking forward to the day ahead. Now I wake up and I feel this darkness and gloom like I did several months ago. I wish I could just go back to sleep and stay asleep until all this is over. The question is, WILL it ever be over? Why is my health not improving? If it's fungal overgrowth, why isn't it getting better? Is it a spiritual attack and if so, will Satan ever let up?
Not only do I feel dark and gloomy, but I am void of any emotion. Back in November when I started feeling better I also felt more connected to God, could think more clearly, and had more compassion. Now I feel no connection to God and nothing seems to phase me one way or another. A friend posted on FB that one of her friends' 10 year old daughter is having open heart surgery today. She asked for prayer. I felt nothing when I read it. How can I be so cold? How can I not care about a little girl having such a dangerous procedure?
So here I am...starting over once again. Determined not to give in to my eating disorder anymore. How many times have I said this? I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. It's not living.
I would really like to talk about this on the ZC forum, but I am "afraid" of the bashing I am going to get. One of the members assumed right away that I wasn't going to make it then was impressed when I was still there after a month. Who says something like that? And so many of the women with EDs on there are doing really well yet I am not. I am still chewing and spitting. It's embarrassing. But I thought it would be really helpful if I had an accountability partner FROM the ZC forum. I am not sure anybody would be up for it but I'll never find out because I am afraid to post about my slip up yesterday.
Two weeks ago I was happy, had good energy, and overall felt pretty good. I woke up looking forward to the day ahead. Now I wake up and I feel this darkness and gloom like I did several months ago. I wish I could just go back to sleep and stay asleep until all this is over. The question is, WILL it ever be over? Why is my health not improving? If it's fungal overgrowth, why isn't it getting better? Is it a spiritual attack and if so, will Satan ever let up?
Not only do I feel dark and gloomy, but I am void of any emotion. Back in November when I started feeling better I also felt more connected to God, could think more clearly, and had more compassion. Now I feel no connection to God and nothing seems to phase me one way or another. A friend posted on FB that one of her friends' 10 year old daughter is having open heart surgery today. She asked for prayer. I felt nothing when I read it. How can I be so cold? How can I not care about a little girl having such a dangerous procedure?
So here I am...starting over once again. Determined not to give in to my eating disorder anymore. How many times have I said this? I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. It's not living.
I would really like to talk about this on the ZC forum, but I am "afraid" of the bashing I am going to get. One of the members assumed right away that I wasn't going to make it then was impressed when I was still there after a month. Who says something like that? And so many of the women with EDs on there are doing really well yet I am not. I am still chewing and spitting. It's embarrassing. But I thought it would be really helpful if I had an accountability partner FROM the ZC forum. I am not sure anybody would be up for it but I'll never find out because I am afraid to post about my slip up yesterday.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
rough day
I woke up around 5 AM but stayed in bed for another hour. I was drifting in and out of sleep. Every time I woke up I prayed for people. When I finally got up I did not get on my knees to pray. It wasn't until later, while I was out running errands, that I realized I had already forgotten to do it. As I was driving I decided to do so as soon as I got home. That didn't happen.
Last night I had decided to start my fast today. I figure if I make it the seven days until I check into the clinic then maybe I can cut my clinic stay short. Not that I don't think it would be nice to stay there, but it would give me more time with mom and it would cost less money. I did pretty good until I got back from grocery shopping. I figure a little butter won't hurt which I followed with some veggie broth. I also bought a bunch of veggies to make more broth. About an hour later I was going to put the buffalo ribs and grouper I had cooked yesterday in the freezer but ended up eating them. That just frustrated me and immediately I wanted to chew and spit. WTH??
I guess emotionally it would have been easier to deal with the failure of chewing and spitting than to deal with the failure of eating. And I am worried about gaining weight. I have already gained about a whole jeans size in one week and really don't want to gain anymore, but my hunger seems out of control again. Maybe it's the butter causing cravings and/or weight gain.
So I finally went upstairs, got on my knees and all I could get out was, "help me...please help me". I don't know what is wrong with me today. I can't seem to focus on anything. I have books to read, Spanish to learn, shows to watch, but all I can think about is going to the store to get some nuts so I can chew and spit. And then what?
Last night I had decided to start my fast today. I figure if I make it the seven days until I check into the clinic then maybe I can cut my clinic stay short. Not that I don't think it would be nice to stay there, but it would give me more time with mom and it would cost less money. I did pretty good until I got back from grocery shopping. I figure a little butter won't hurt which I followed with some veggie broth. I also bought a bunch of veggies to make more broth. About an hour later I was going to put the buffalo ribs and grouper I had cooked yesterday in the freezer but ended up eating them. That just frustrated me and immediately I wanted to chew and spit. WTH??
I guess emotionally it would have been easier to deal with the failure of chewing and spitting than to deal with the failure of eating. And I am worried about gaining weight. I have already gained about a whole jeans size in one week and really don't want to gain anymore, but my hunger seems out of control again. Maybe it's the butter causing cravings and/or weight gain.
So I finally went upstairs, got on my knees and all I could get out was, "help me...please help me". I don't know what is wrong with me today. I can't seem to focus on anything. I have books to read, Spanish to learn, shows to watch, but all I can think about is going to the store to get some nuts so I can chew and spit. And then what?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
on my knees
For months now I have quite frequently felt this overwhelming urge to get on my knees and pray. I don't think it's God indicating if I am not on my knees my prayers won't be answered, but more of a desperation and frustration in my heart. Yet most of the time I don't. Sometimes I don't even stop to pray when I have the overwhelming feeling. But last night I decided that I would start today. Something needs to happen with my health and more prayer can only help. Today I got on my knees and I plan on getting on my knees every day to pray.
After the fast last year, which wasn't a strict water fast after all, I started eating zero carb (ZC). It has been helpful in some respects but I still feel like crap most of the time. I don't understand why. Could it really all be related to candida overgrowth and/or die off? It's so confusing.
I lost weight through fasting and that helped me to feel better overall. With ZC I was able to maintain that weight loss for the most part. I did cheat a few times and that set me back every time. Over the holidays I chewed some sugar free gum and had some sugar free cough drops because I feel self-conscious about my bad breath. Both had aspartame and some claim that candida will feed even on aspartame. Maybe that's why I feel worse.
While in Germany last year November my heart rate issue started improving. I remember walking mom's dog one morning and realizing that my HR was normal. I was even on a slight uphill and it was only 90 bpm. I was THRILLED. This continued for a while when I got home and then suddenly - not sure exactly when - it got worse again. I guess it was sometime in December that it started getting worse. On 12.16. I had a septoplasty and it seems since then it's been even worse. I had stopped taking the beta blockers in October but for the last month have taken it again quite a few times.
It appears that some foods like palm oil and goose for example, are making it much worse, but it is so hard to tell. I still sometimes wonder if it's due to my thyroid medication (Cytomel) but I have even cut it out completely one day and still had HR issues the next morning. Last week it was 138 one morning just from getting out of bed. The next day it was only 90 getting out of bed. I can't figure out why and that is the hardest thing of all. I am so tired of being tired and short of breath just walking up one flight of stairs.
Other than the HR issue I felt really good about a week after surgery. I had great energy, I was positive, my appetite was fine, I was maintaining my weight. On 12.26. I felt so good it was 3 PM when I realized I hadn't taken my 11:30 AM dose of hydrocortisone. I didn't even feel like I needed it but I took it then and my evening dose a little later. Driving home from MIL's house I was so excited, telling DH how good I feel and that it's time to reduce the hydrocortisone even more. The next morning I woke up feeling miserable - swollen eye lids, pain, fatigue, puffy face, etc. I didn't know what happened but I felt like staying in bed all day. Since that day I have felt miserable every single day.
Since I am going to Germany and will be starting a 21-day medically supervised fast a week from tomorrow, I guess I should just try to forget about it for now. Maybe I just need to take my beta blocker so I can have a relatively normal day and assume that all this will be resolved during the 21 day fast. But I am scared. I am trying not to be but it's not easy. There seems to be nothing left to eat that doesn't cause some kind of reaction - usually not a pleasant reaction. Turkey and fish were the only things I tolerated, but as far as I can tell I am even reacting to turkey now. I have a headache daily. My eye lids are swollen daily. For some reason I have put on quite a bit of weight in just one week because my jeans have gone from hanging on me to clinging to me. Again, I have no idea why and it is all SO frustrating.
At this point I am not even asking God for healing all that much anymore. Mostly I am just asking him for answers. I just want to know WHAT is causing my health issues. Is it really "just" fungal and bacterial overgrowth? I would especially like to know if the heart rate issue is due to fungal overgrowth or die off. And I don't understand why I am not getting better. Granted I have had periods of improvement, but they are usually followed by huge setbacks. It seems other people on GAPS, ZC, and the like improve, have a small setback, then keep improving. I on the other hand feel I take 1 step forward and 10 steps back. Why?
The other question I have is regarding hormones. I am still on 40 to 80 mg of progesterone cream and also testosterone cream. Some doctors claim that excess progesterone feeds candida. Some claim any hormones, synthetic or bio-identical, will feed candida. I am in the process of weaning off the hydrocortisone, but should I also wean off the progesterone? I don't know what to do. I guess I could ask the doctors at the fasting clinic, but I don't know anything about them and whether I trust them regarding my hormones. Dr. Franklin in Austin feels I need to stay on them. He disagrees that progesterone accumulates in your fat cells and you have an excess. He says if you have too much it will show up on a blood test and mine has always been low. Then there's the whole debate on blood tests versus saliva tests for hormones. Some say one is better than the other and quite frankly I don't know what to believe anymore.
After the fast last year, which wasn't a strict water fast after all, I started eating zero carb (ZC). It has been helpful in some respects but I still feel like crap most of the time. I don't understand why. Could it really all be related to candida overgrowth and/or die off? It's so confusing.
I lost weight through fasting and that helped me to feel better overall. With ZC I was able to maintain that weight loss for the most part. I did cheat a few times and that set me back every time. Over the holidays I chewed some sugar free gum and had some sugar free cough drops because I feel self-conscious about my bad breath. Both had aspartame and some claim that candida will feed even on aspartame. Maybe that's why I feel worse.
While in Germany last year November my heart rate issue started improving. I remember walking mom's dog one morning and realizing that my HR was normal. I was even on a slight uphill and it was only 90 bpm. I was THRILLED. This continued for a while when I got home and then suddenly - not sure exactly when - it got worse again. I guess it was sometime in December that it started getting worse. On 12.16. I had a septoplasty and it seems since then it's been even worse. I had stopped taking the beta blockers in October but for the last month have taken it again quite a few times.
It appears that some foods like palm oil and goose for example, are making it much worse, but it is so hard to tell. I still sometimes wonder if it's due to my thyroid medication (Cytomel) but I have even cut it out completely one day and still had HR issues the next morning. Last week it was 138 one morning just from getting out of bed. The next day it was only 90 getting out of bed. I can't figure out why and that is the hardest thing of all. I am so tired of being tired and short of breath just walking up one flight of stairs.
Other than the HR issue I felt really good about a week after surgery. I had great energy, I was positive, my appetite was fine, I was maintaining my weight. On 12.26. I felt so good it was 3 PM when I realized I hadn't taken my 11:30 AM dose of hydrocortisone. I didn't even feel like I needed it but I took it then and my evening dose a little later. Driving home from MIL's house I was so excited, telling DH how good I feel and that it's time to reduce the hydrocortisone even more. The next morning I woke up feeling miserable - swollen eye lids, pain, fatigue, puffy face, etc. I didn't know what happened but I felt like staying in bed all day. Since that day I have felt miserable every single day.
Since I am going to Germany and will be starting a 21-day medically supervised fast a week from tomorrow, I guess I should just try to forget about it for now. Maybe I just need to take my beta blocker so I can have a relatively normal day and assume that all this will be resolved during the 21 day fast. But I am scared. I am trying not to be but it's not easy. There seems to be nothing left to eat that doesn't cause some kind of reaction - usually not a pleasant reaction. Turkey and fish were the only things I tolerated, but as far as I can tell I am even reacting to turkey now. I have a headache daily. My eye lids are swollen daily. For some reason I have put on quite a bit of weight in just one week because my jeans have gone from hanging on me to clinging to me. Again, I have no idea why and it is all SO frustrating.
At this point I am not even asking God for healing all that much anymore. Mostly I am just asking him for answers. I just want to know WHAT is causing my health issues. Is it really "just" fungal and bacterial overgrowth? I would especially like to know if the heart rate issue is due to fungal overgrowth or die off. And I don't understand why I am not getting better. Granted I have had periods of improvement, but they are usually followed by huge setbacks. It seems other people on GAPS, ZC, and the like improve, have a small setback, then keep improving. I on the other hand feel I take 1 step forward and 10 steps back. Why?
The other question I have is regarding hormones. I am still on 40 to 80 mg of progesterone cream and also testosterone cream. Some doctors claim that excess progesterone feeds candida. Some claim any hormones, synthetic or bio-identical, will feed candida. I am in the process of weaning off the hydrocortisone, but should I also wean off the progesterone? I don't know what to do. I guess I could ask the doctors at the fasting clinic, but I don't know anything about them and whether I trust them regarding my hormones. Dr. Franklin in Austin feels I need to stay on them. He disagrees that progesterone accumulates in your fat cells and you have an excess. He says if you have too much it will show up on a blood test and mine has always been low. Then there's the whole debate on blood tests versus saliva tests for hormones. Some say one is better than the other and quite frankly I don't know what to believe anymore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)