Haven't been on my knees at all. Actually, I feel totally disconnected from God today. Yesterday I was in a great, joyful mood and felt pretty good. It's that weird mood where I make everything out to be ok and even justify chewing and spitting. So I did. I don't even feel any great remorse or guilt about it today like I normally do. What the hell is wrong with me?
I also have a headache and backache today and didn't yesterday. I am screwing with my body and it scares me. The weight gain is "killing" me and that scares me, too. It makes me realize how much of a hold this ED still has on me.
This too shall pass!