My dad would have celebrated his 69th birthday this year if he were still alive. He passed away 14 years ago after a long battle with lung cancer that spread to his brain and then his back. Sometimes I don't even think about him, other times I do but it's just fond memories, and then there are days like today when I wish I could pick up the phone, call him, and tell him "Happy Father's Day" and that I love him. Realizing that I can't and never will be able to again is devastating and there is an actual physical pain in my heart when I think about it. I know it will pass but those days are hard. He was so full of life, fun to be around, adventurous, intelligent, motivated, and more. I like to think that I am a lot like him but maybe that's just wishful thinking.
As for blogging, like so many times I thought I would keep up with it pretty much daily but that hasn't happened. It seems something always comes up that keeps me from writing. A lot of times it's brain fog, feeling like I can't capture my thoughts let alone write in coherent sentences, other times I question why I should blog. But here I am and I am about to start GAPS intro again - tomorrow. I will start with a zero carb version and without probees or ferments the first few days since I haven't done the stool test yet. I will be finishing it on Tuesday so Wednesday I will most likely add a drop of fermented veggie brine to my broth. I hope I will be able to tolerate it.
Thursday I tried adding some kefir made from raw cream. Friday wasn't so bad and I had a tiny bit more. By evening I was pretty hungry - more so than usual. Yesterday was awful...I was horribly, horribly swollen from the time I got up and it got worse as soon as I had coffee. I spent the whole day hungry, fighting cravings, and eating like horse. I could not get enough food in my body and by evening I gave in and had a tiny bite of walnut/hazelnut butter with honey in it. Although it wasn't much I am totally kicking myself and I really, really regret it. So unfortunately dairy is still out. I plan on staying off dairy, including ghee, for 6 weeks and then re-introducing it slowly starting with ghee. I am also not going past stage 2 of the intro diet until the abdominal distention goes away like Dr. McBride recommended.
I am so disappointed that I still feel so crummy after all this time. We are going on another cruise the week after Thanksgiving this year and I so wanted to be able to eat without looking like I am pregnant. I was hoping to have my flat stomach back by then, to have energy, to feel good, and to have a semi-normal vacation. Maybe that's still possible?!