Day 11 - 7:30 AM

I should know by now how much die off effects me, not just on a physical level with pain and low energy, but on an emotional level. While the Nystatin did not cause a headache and backache like before, I am guessing it was the reason I was so down the last two days. I did not take any last night and also reduced my probiotic intake and I feel like a different person today. Actually, I feel like myself today. The way I used to be before all these health issues started.

As soon as I woke up I felt better, more positive. I am looking forward to the day, I am talkative, I feel like being around people, I know I am going to heal, and I once again feel like going for a walk. This is the total opposite of how I have felt the last two days. I didn’t even feel like praying yesterday. I did, but again it was just words I said in my mind because I know I need to pray and I committed to praying for several people daily. This morning I FELT like praying, I FELT gratitude, I FELT compassion, and I felt closer to God.

I often wonder what it must be like for autistic children. This darkness I feel either from fungal/bacterial overgrowth or from die off, when I can’t “get out of myself”, is awful. It feels lonely, dark, and miserable. I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for a person with autism. And what makes me sad is that autism can be cured with something as simple as dietary changes and probiotics. I keep reading more and more success stories on the GAPS Yahoo group. Some of them make me cry for example when mothers talk of hearing their child say “mommy” for the first time or when their child makes eye contact, starts reading, stops hitting, etc. They are truly amazing stories.

And I once again feel this desire to help people. I would love to go back to school to be a Physician Assistant. Listening to the three women at my table right now I am sure that all of them have candida overgrowth (who doesn’t these days!?) yet they keep feeding it by eating grains, sugar, fruit, and other unhealthy things. They proudly pronounce that they are substituting soy milk for regular milk or millet for wheat. I didn’t even go into all the health issues associated with soy milk. And grains in the quantities people eat them are NOT healthy. Grains turn into sugar once you start chewing and sugar feeds fungi and bacteria. People are SO misinformed about what is healthy. One woman on my table has arthritis and I know several people on the paleo list that have successfully overcome arthritis by adopting a Paleolithic diet.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soap box now. I had my hot/cold foot bath this morning which was nice. I have a colonic at 8:20 AM and a lymphatic drainage massage at 9:10 AM. Some time this morning I want to go for a walk and I want to iron the clothes I washed yesterday. I like getting all my exercise and other treatments done in the morning so I can take a shower and get dressed before lunch. I’ve got a little routine going now. After lunch I come back to my room, crawl onto bed under a wool blanket and I study some Spanish then I read or journal. Around 2:30 PM I Skype with Bob (or chat if someone is in the internet room with me). From 3:10 to 4:00 PM I watch mom’s fav soap while I knit and right after she calls and we talk for a bit. Then I go back to reading, watching TV, or just knitting. At 6:30 I go down to dinner then come back up to my room again. Some days I just stay in my room and some days I go spend some time in the internet.

This weekend my brother and his girlfriend are planning on visiting me. I am looking forward to it. The weekends are a bit more boring because there is less going on (and no soap to watch in the afternoon  ). I also want to talk to my brother about my mom. I am worried about her state of mind and her health in general, but her forgetfulness is getting worse. My second day here we decided that she would call me every day at 4 PM since that’s right after her soap and before she takes Kristy (dog) for a walk. We both felt that would be the best time for both of us. The next day I was in my room at 4 PM and waited for an hour but did not hear from her. I called her and asked if she was busy at 4 PM. She had no idea what I was talking about and didn’t remember anything about our conversation the day before. Nothing! This is happening more and more. What concerns me is that she might forget she left the stove on for example. So I want to talk to Pete about it. I am not sure that he can do anything but something has to happen.